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Post by Avenger on Oct 7, 2006 20:40:39 GMT -5
InCider Report So, the town I am in is having their fall festival today. The town sucks, so the festival sucks as well. There was a little parade… [sarcasm]yay![/sarcasm] And then everyone meets by the river for a little food and drink. Boring and nothing real special. However… Cider! I don’t know what it is, but hot cider seems to overcome all apathy and melancholy. In fact, my friends and I make it a point every year to walk down to the river and get ourselves a cup (or two) of this refreshing brew. And then we walk back, merrily sipping our wonderful beverage. Because there is absolutely no reason to stay down there. Only to get there, get your cider, and get out as quickly as possible. It may not be hard cider, but it is still darn good. Taffy apples aren’t bad, either… (Ashley - You mean this works? The hyphen? Assumed - I'm just ignoring you... for now... Everybody - There is a thread out on the Member's Section that requires your immediate attention. It is a poll about "Random Much?" and I need your help with it. Just take a quick second to vote. Even if you aren't a registered user. Thank you.)
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Oct 8, 2006 10:14:19 GMT -5
I don't like the hyphen/
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Post by Avenger on Oct 22, 2006 0:36:34 GMT -5
Welcome to the Very Special 50th Edition of “Random Much?” That’s right… 50 days. 50 unique postings. And to celebrate, I am reposting 5 of the best entries, now with creator commentary! Without further ado, I proudly present the Top 5 Posts, as voted by you, the readers: Number 5Thursday, September 14, 2006
Double your pleasure, double your fun: Twins I think this came about because Ashley asked something about twins. Some question that I’m sure belonged in an “Ask Me” thread, but in one of her posting super sprints, ended up in “Random Much?” instead… Hmmm... Have I ever wanted a twin? That's honestly something I haven't given much thought to. But, let us think through it right now, together. Pro and con style, people! Anyhow, had nothing else on my mind to rant about that day, so I figured might as well use it. Pro and con style seemed an interesting and… I don’t know, old fashioned way of doing it. Who thinks everything out in pros and cons anymore? Pro: You get to create your funky own language! (Hicka-bicka-boo...) Con: They don't count it as a foreign language credit for school. The first pro/con set of course inspired by Jim and Tim and “Hicka-bicka-boo.” “Hoo-sha!” But, also by the Simpsons. There was a joke in one episode about Sherri and Terri speaking their own weird twin language. Also… I want that foreign language credit, dammit! Pro: You'll always have someone who totally understands you. Con: Sensing every time each other have to go to the bathroom becomes annoying and disgusting. I wouldn’t like knowing every time someone else goes to the bathroom… would you? And what if you had to, like… sympathy pee? “I’m at the movies! Can’t you hold it til it’s over, sib?” Pro: You have a strong, emotional, mental, and physical bond to another person. Awesome! Con: One of you may one day have to sacrifice the other in some strange pagan ritual to appease the evil spirits that lie just beyond the veil. Anybody who got this reference gets bonus points! This was an allusion to the video game Fatal Frame 2. Still one of the scariest games I’ve ever played. And one of the saddest. Plus, I just really like Japanese folklore and mythology. It is very interesting and… romantic. (Romantic being used in the traditional sense of the word. Not necessarily involving “love”.) Pro: Your best friend is you! Con: No one else will be your friend because you talk in tongues, regularly wet yourself, and have an unhealthy fascination with obscure Japanese folklore. Of course this last one was just a way to sum up everything else I already stated. But, in a more humorous way (I hope). Also, one of you would have to be the evil one. And then you'll have to fight over who gets to claim it. "I'm the evil one." "No! I am!" Yeah, even though it would be fun to play mind games with some girl by switching out with each other during a date, I think there's just too much going against it.
Plus, I don't want to be called a "tweeb." We all know there’s one good twin and one evil twin. And I want to be the evil one. I already have the beard. And what would make that date even more confusing is if the girl had a twin too! Then nobody would know who they were dating. And I don’t really want to be called a “tweeb.” I don’t want to be called a “dweeb” and “tweeb” is at least twice as bad. I wouldn’t mind being as intelligent and skilled as Jim and Tim though. Not really one of my favorite posts. However, reading it over again, it is funnier than I remember it being. But, you guys voted for it, so here it is! You may notice that my favorite, Chaka Khan, is not included in this list, even though it did get a vote. Well, that was my vote because I needed to have 5 separate posts in order to make this list. However, I had a special secret vote for another post (our Number 3 on this list), and decided to drop my vote in favor of the reader’s decision…
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Post by Avenger on Oct 22, 2006 0:40:03 GMT -5
Number 4Tuesday, August 22, 2006
With Special Guest: Gavin DeGraw
So, my brother says to me the other day, "Well, I don't think Gavin DeGraw is anything to sneeze at." And I'm thinking, "Why the heck not?" Let's crush that belief right here. I don't care if it's Gavin DeGraw or the Dalai Lama, if I have to sneeze I'm gonna sneeze. I mean, I'll cover my nose and mouth. You have to be polite about that sort of thing. But I'm not going to hold back just because Gavin DeGraw is around. Him more than anyone.
I don't care what you want to be, Gavin. I don't want to be anything other than a person with allergies. Meaning, if I have to sneeze, I'm going to follow through. Especially around you. It's not like you ride around on a golden chariot. It's not like we're just friends, or something. And you never invite me to any of your chemical parties.
Anyway, nice to meet you.
Over-rated jerk... Unfortunately, I don’t have much to say about this one. Other than this was one of the very first ideas I had for a rant. So, it is near and dear to my heart. ;D My brother did indeed say to me that Gavin DeGraw is nothing to sneeze at. It wasn’t really because he’s a fan of Gavin DeGraw. I just literally sneezed when one of his songs was playing or something. That’s about as deep as that goes… Anyway, the important thing about this post, if you are a Gavin DeGraw fan, is that it is almost entirely made up of his song titles. The second paragraph in particular. Even the “over-rated jerk” part. Well… maybe just the “over-rated” part. I don’t think “jerk” was in any of his songs. I’m not really a fan of Gavin. But, I don’t hate him either. I’m fairly indifferent. A girl I know does like him. She liked him before he became “big” though. She actually got to go see him at some small venue and met him and everything. And then, like 6 months later, he’s all over the radio. So… good for him. I still like this one, not just because it was one of my firsts, but because of the mostly ingenious way I fit all of his song titles together into something more or less coherent. Yes, get used to me shamelessly talking about my brilliance, because that is what most of these commentaries are going to be… ;D
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Post by Avenger on Oct 22, 2006 0:48:42 GMT -5
Number 3Thursday, August 24, 2006
Special Report: Canine Allergies
Some people are allergic to dogs. But did you know that dogs can be allergic to you? Or more accurately, to babies? This was born out of something that happened one day with my cousin. We had just come back from visiting her friend and her friend’s newborn baby. (Coincidentally, this is also the day I first got my cousin interested in Kim Possible. I explained the show to her the whole ride there and she got really excited about it. ;D) Well, she had been helping her friend with the baby, and had baby powder all over her hands. So, when we got back home, her dog was outside and she went to pet it. The dog just started sneezing from the smell of the baby powder. But, I decided it must be allergic to babies. That’s right. One of the biggest allergens to canines is a newborn baby. Preferably between 2 weeks to 6 months old. Any dog coming in contact with a baby can suffer from several symptoms. Most dogs will sneeze or cough at the scent of an infant and skin contact usually results in severe itching. If you notice your dog excessively scratching, or licking and biting its paws, there’s a good chance it came in recent contact with a baby. In extremely rare and severe cases, an infant may cause vomiting, diarrhea, and even death. The symptoms I’ve listed are actual reactions dogs will have to allergens. I don’t remember which allergens, though, and how exactly the dogs are affected. But, I think if your animal is having any of those problems in general, there is probably something not right… However, these allergies can also be used to keep your playful pup in check. For instance, I’ve built a wall around my house out of dead babies. Not only is it far more interesting than a chain link fence, but after a couple tries, my dog soon learned not to try to leave the yard, lest it end up with a severe rash. And it is well known that rubbing a small infant in a pitbull’s face is the only way to keep it from attacking. Dead babies! Hooray! ;D I’m not sure how much more offensive I could get. There are probably ways… ok. I’m not sure how much more offensive I could get and still be “tasteful”. The last sentence of this paragraph is one of my favorite lines ever. As always, consult your veterinarian for more information on canine-infant allergies, and before putting your best friend on a dead baby regimen. Also, remember to have your pets spayed or neutered! And good luck finding enough dead babies to surround your house. It wasn’t easy. People get really touchy when you run up and start shaking their infant…
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Post by Avenger on Oct 22, 2006 0:57:03 GMT -5
Number 2Saturday, September 16, 2006
Health and Nutrition: SPAM
Ahh… a happy, little canned bundle of joy. Who doesn’t like SPAM? (Except vegetarians… whom I’m just going to eat anyways.) From its slick, slimy texture, to its cheerful pink coloring, to its unique taste, SPAM has been enjoyed by countless millions around the world. Why, did you know aside from the US, it is most popular in the UK? That’s right! The Britons love their SPAM, contrary to what Monty Python would have you believe. Nabu? Fusion? Lord M? How are you enjoying your SPAM Fritters, fellas? Mmm, mmm… fantastic! That’s right, vegetarians. I practice the food chain. You are an herbivore, therefore you are below me. That means I eat you! SPAM, it seems, is actually popular in the UK. That Monty Python skit is actually correct in the abundance of dishes that do incorporate SPAM. Of course, this was all according to Wikipedia, so who knows how accurate it is. The last bit of this paragraph was supposed to mimic those public service films from the 1950s. You know, that smarmy narrator talking over a video of these beaming, clean cut teens. (Yes, that’s how I imagine Nabu, Fuse, and Lord M… ) SPAM is also a curious favorite of the mysterious Far East. It is used in traditional meat dishes and stews. There are even burgers, and a whole restaurant chain based around the delicious canned meat in some Asian countries. Also, the SPAM Roasted Turkey is a rare canned meat accepted under Islamic law. Mmmm… that’s good jihad. What? No outrage at that last sentence? Ashley got upset with me for my tirade against Texas, which actually didn’t really say anything that negative about Texas. It really just more gave its history. But here I essentially equate all Muslims with terrorism, and nobody bats an eye. What, do I need to mention Mohammed? As you can see, SPAM has come a long way since its humble beginnings as “Hormel Spiced Ham,” slowly permeating the entire world and our pop culture with its undeniable… existence! And I’m sure it will continue to exist for thousands of years to come. (Not that I’ve ever eaten it, or anything…)
Well done, SPAM. Well done. Well done, SPAM, indeed! And by existing for thousands of years, I just meant one can of it. It is so well preserved; it is like a pink, square mummy. ;D And I actually haven’t ever had SPAM in my entire life. I think I want to try it before I die. Maybe, like, right before I know I’m going to die. Otherwise, I’m afraid the SPAM will kill me…
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Post by Avenger on Oct 22, 2006 1:24:31 GMT -5
And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… Number 1Thursday, September 7, 2006
The Man, the Myth, the Legend: Ashley Benlove Ha ha! I called you a “man”, Ashley! Ah… what can anyone say about Ashley Benlove. She’s sweet, well respected, and loves herself some erotica. And there are probably few people who like to glomp as much as her…
Alright, enough of that sweet crap. I’ve got the real low down on the notorious ABL: Alright… so I was actually a little peeved with Ashley. Because… well, let’s face it darlin’, you’re a spammer. So am I, really. I suppose it is very rare that I’m ever on topic. Just… at the time, Ashley kept replying with one word responses. And very often, it was the same word over and over again. I’m glad she was reading my posts, but I desire a bit more feedback than “interesting” or “ok”… So, I wanted to say some mean stuff about her, but I didn’t really want to be mean about it, because it is not really a big deal. I just wanted to get my frustrations out, but in a humorous way. I wanted her, and everybody else, to read it and laugh and realize that I wasn’t really being serious… I was just giving her a good ribbing. 1. Was once married to Marilyn Monroe.
Yes! It’s true! Ashley once got her hands on a time machine and traveled back in time. She changed her name to Joe DiMaggio (basing her last name on one of her favorite voice actors) and went undercover as a professional baseball player. Unfortunately, it turned out Ashley was a natural at the sport, and became incredibly famous in a short amount of time. This led to her eventually meeting Marilyn, and one of the most famous celebrity couples in history. However, their marriage was troubled, and when they finally split, Ashley was so devastated she could no longer stay in the 1950s. She found some bum to replace her and quickly returned to the 21st century. Come on, Ashley? Like you don’t want a time machine? And like you wouldn’t want Marilyn Monroe? Who doesn’t want Marilyn? I also like basing her name off of John DiMaggio. For the record, John is in no way, shape, or form related to the famous ballplayer. But, the two always connect in my head. So, I figured, good way to connect the past and the present. I like that Ashley is really good at baseball. I never would have figured, as much as she claims to loathe sports and all those who play them. I also like that her break-up with Marilyn was so horrible, she had to time travel to escape the loneliness… poor Ashley… 2. Uncredited creator of the Macarena.
Yes, Ashley Benlove is responsible for one of the most heinous dance crazes of all time. Based on her reaction to meeting J.K. Rowling, Bob Schooley, and Mark McCorkle, while they were all having tea on the moon. Honestly, would there be anything sweeter than drinking tea on the moon with Bob and Mark? Come on! It’s a frickin’ tea party on the moon! 3. Eats babies!
But who doesn’t. Everyone eats babies! You’re just all afraid to admit it! Afraid what society might think. Well, if everybody’s eating them, then what right do they have to judge… All this baby eating comes from Michael Ian Black, by the way. There was a whole article he wrote about celebrities eating babies and what parts they liked the best. Hilarious! Plus… what’s with this “Interesting” all the time? Huh? What is that? I mean, come on Ashley, give me something to work with! Is it interesting, like, “Hmm… I’ve never thought of that before.” Or interesting like, “I’m being sarcastic, and you’re freakin’ me out!”
Tell me something, Ashley… anything! Aaaarrrgghhhh! This last part was really what I was trying to get at. All she kept saying was interesting, and I didn’t know if she actually liked my rants, or was being passive-aggressive. So, apparently I decided to be passive-aggressive back… Anyhow, it was easier to freak-out on her at the end when I already made up ludicrously funny things about her. Original ideas for what Ashley Benlove did: Assassinated JFK – Now that I know how much she dislikes him, I really wish I had used this. I think she's a little hypocritical in her reasoning though. Even she couldn’t resist Marilyn… Caused Iraq War – I don’t really know how this one would have worked. ::shrug:: Responsible for the death of Jesus Christ – Eh… that was too far back in time to go. Besides, we all know the Jews killed Jesus. I mean, the Romans! THE ROMANS! Ah… crap… Anyhow, all of the above stuff seemed way too serious to accuse Ashley of. I didn’t want to make her out to be evil. I just wanted to “roast” her a little bit. Although not my personal favorite “Random Much?”, it was still quite funny. And I’m glad you all liked it. As my brother said: “I’m glad that one's good... but I feel it's more for name recognition than anything else... maybe… But it may just be that everyone likes that you ragged on the [*cough*]” Heh… well, that’s my bro for ya… That brings us to the conclusion of our very special 50th Edition of “Random Much?”. Congratulations to Ashley for being our Number 1 choice. And you say you never win anything… (Now stop stuffing the Halloween contest ballot! ) And now, it is time to retool. After 50 successful posts, “Random Much?” is changing its format. And it is going to be based on reader input. So, post a topic or ask a question in this thread, and I will pick the best one and write up something about it. Could be anything… anything you want at all… which is why I’m making this PG-13 now as well. This will not be an “Ask Me” thread, however… I already have that right here. Alright then. Send your suggestions/questions and I’ll see you next time on “Random Much?”! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Imperial General Someguy on Oct 22, 2006 2:02:29 GMT -5
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Oct 22, 2006 10:44:12 GMT -5
Is that Vince Vaughn?
Hah! Yes, I pissed off President Bush and in turn, he wen to Iraq. Haha! That's my thing.
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Post by Avenger on Oct 23, 2006 23:02:27 GMT -5
Post 2500: Half Hearted
well... nobody has really posted any questions or topics of discussion yet. So, here's a short one:
2500 posts! WOOT! Halfway there... soon you will all bow down before my mighty... user... thingy that goes above my avatar!
Awwwwwwww... yeah! Where's your messiah now?
Not half-way to 5000 posts, that's where!
a-BOO! a-YAH!
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Oct 24, 2006 8:37:38 GMT -5
Yay for a boring Random Much.
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Fusion Fox
Pink Sloth
READ THIS POST IN A MUMBLING BRITISH ACCENT
Not a bad problem to have if you ask me.
Posts: 4
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Post by Fusion Fox on Oct 24, 2006 13:26:17 GMT -5
Thought of a custom title yet?
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Oct 24, 2006 13:29:30 GMT -5
I bet I know what it is.
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Post by Avenger on Nov 2, 2006 23:51:14 GMT -5
On Notice 1 YOU'RE ON NOTICE!
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Nov 3, 2006 7:39:00 GMT -5
Um...
Why am I on Colbert's poster?
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Post by Imperial General Someguy on Nov 25, 2006 18:13:27 GMT -5
Because Colbert is god! JOIN THE CULT OF COLBERT!
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Nov 25, 2006 18:15:35 GMT -5
YES!
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Post by Avenger on Nov 25, 2006 19:46:29 GMT -5
Man... I need to get back to this... After I finish the Army story...
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Nov 25, 2006 20:29:03 GMT -5
YEAH!
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Post by Imperial General Someguy on Nov 28, 2006 0:33:52 GMT -5
Topic Suggestion: Romo, the Cowboys, and the NFC playoff picture.
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