Post by Nightspade on May 16, 2010 13:01:51 GMT -5
Alright guys let me first get one thing straight. I am by no means being held a gun point by an insane totally awesome little turtle Pokemon. The following is an honest and totally unembellished account of the most awesome thing on this or any other Earth. Turtwig.
Aw, look at the adorable little badass! So cute!
How epic is Turtwig? This one time there was the orphanage that was burning down, an orphanage for handicap-able children I might add. The fire department couldn't get there in time and the only one on the scene was Turtwig. Rather then sit back and do nothing while complaining that grass is weak against fire, because Turtwig's balls are too big to let a little something like burning alive stop him, he rushed in. He then proceeded to rescue every orphan from the building before the fire fighters could even get there. When they arrived on the scene not only were the kids completely out of harm's way but the fire was also put out. Eye witnesses claim Turtwig stared the flames into submission.
One time Turtwig was in a knife fight over some damaged shoes and the other guy pulled out a gun, you know, because you can totally do that in a knife fight and the fact that few people rarely do is depressing. Rather then backing off the guy and totally wussing out and dropping the subject, Turtwig decided that he was too much of a bad mother to do that. He then stole the guy's gun and beat him to death with it for stepping on his Nike's.
When Charizard has nightmares, Turtwig is in them.
Turtwig has a five point plan to balance the national budget. Point one is to balance it. The other four are party plans.
Turtwig can blend it better. And with Razor Leafs.
And let's not even get started on the fact that it's fully evolved form, Torterra (Who's name, despite common misconception isn't a portmanteau of 'Tortoise' and 'Terra', but of 'Torture' and 'Terror') is basically a small island with the power to generate earthquakes. The thing can cause a natural disaster if it's bored, and a global catastrophe if it's pissed. It's also got a tree growing out of it's back. So it's also a portable source of shade in addition to a WMD. Macbeth died when a group of these guys decided to take a walk and he mistook them for a moving forest.
Holy Shit! Is that armor plating?
A little known secret is that Turtwig is the fourth clone of Big Boss. Though looking back, it is sort of obvious.
Grass Snake. Also he's a ninja.
Want further proof of Turtwig's hardcore, balls to the wall badassery? He tore down the Berlin Wall. He freed the slaves (All of them ever.) He ended world hunger three years ago, then brought it back when someone stepped on his shoes. He was on the moon first, NASA just paid him off to keep quiet. He used the money to buy Canada.
In conclusion, we must all get down on our knees and pray. Pray that our adorable leafy god will see fit to allow us to continue to live in relative peace. Other wise he'llblow my brains out be most displeased.
Aw, look at the adorable little badass! So cute!
How epic is Turtwig? This one time there was the orphanage that was burning down, an orphanage for handicap-able children I might add. The fire department couldn't get there in time and the only one on the scene was Turtwig. Rather then sit back and do nothing while complaining that grass is weak against fire, because Turtwig's balls are too big to let a little something like burning alive stop him, he rushed in. He then proceeded to rescue every orphan from the building before the fire fighters could even get there. When they arrived on the scene not only were the kids completely out of harm's way but the fire was also put out. Eye witnesses claim Turtwig stared the flames into submission.
One time Turtwig was in a knife fight over some damaged shoes and the other guy pulled out a gun, you know, because you can totally do that in a knife fight and the fact that few people rarely do is depressing. Rather then backing off the guy and totally wussing out and dropping the subject, Turtwig decided that he was too much of a bad mother to do that. He then stole the guy's gun and beat him to death with it for stepping on his Nike's.
When Charizard has nightmares, Turtwig is in them.
Turtwig has a five point plan to balance the national budget. Point one is to balance it. The other four are party plans.
Turtwig can blend it better. And with Razor Leafs.
And let's not even get started on the fact that it's fully evolved form, Torterra (Who's name, despite common misconception isn't a portmanteau of 'Tortoise' and 'Terra', but of 'Torture' and 'Terror') is basically a small island with the power to generate earthquakes. The thing can cause a natural disaster if it's bored, and a global catastrophe if it's pissed. It's also got a tree growing out of it's back. So it's also a portable source of shade in addition to a WMD. Macbeth died when a group of these guys decided to take a walk and he mistook them for a moving forest.
Holy Shit! Is that armor plating?
A little known secret is that Turtwig is the fourth clone of Big Boss. Though looking back, it is sort of obvious.
Grass Snake. Also he's a ninja.
Want further proof of Turtwig's hardcore, balls to the wall badassery? He tore down the Berlin Wall. He freed the slaves (All of them ever.) He ended world hunger three years ago, then brought it back when someone stepped on his shoes. He was on the moon first, NASA just paid him off to keep quiet. He used the money to buy Canada.
In conclusion, we must all get down on our knees and pray. Pray that our adorable leafy god will see fit to allow us to continue to live in relative peace. Other wise he'll
