Never According to Plan…By Ezbok58a
Rated: E-T (Depending on how you look at it)
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Ron tapped his pen against the notepad deep in thought; he was currently planning the route of events that would consist of his and Kim’s first real date.
Over the recent months they both went on dates, but they never really planned a ‘Date’ date as Ron put it. The ones where you dress up nice and go to fancy restaurants and finish with some dancing, in other words the story book dates they always read about in books or see in movies or read off of someone’s fan-fiction site.
“What’d ya’ think Rufus, this good enough?”
Rufus tilted his head to his side, carefully going over the list his master had laid out.
“Oh yeah!” the little guy squeaked.
“Badical! Now all I have to do is call KP and-”
As if on cue his phone started ringing, already knowing who it would be he casually picked it up.
“You’ve reached the Ronster who’s dating Kim Possible; may I ask whose calling?”
“The Kim Possible who’s currently dating the Ron-ster” Kim said with a slight giggle, he always could make her laugh.
“Hey KP, I was just going to call you. I have plans for tonight’s date, its going to totally rock!”
“Oh mannn!” Kim whined
“Kim, what’s wrong?” He asked suddenly feeling very worried.
“Ron, I called to tell you we have a mission” Kim said, sounding very dejected.
“Man, that tanks” Ron breathed into the receiver.
“Oh but don’t worry, Wade says it shouldn’t take too long. It’s just a simple delivery mission”“Delivery mission? KP since when have you become like UPS?”
“Rooonnnn! It’s not that kind of delivery. Global Justice wants to analyze a vehicle that was used by Drakken and Shego during a heist.”“Don’t they have someone that could take care of that?”
“Everyone at GJ is preoccupied with another assignment, and the impound lot where its being held can’t spare anyone”“So we’re forced to be delivery men?”
“Well, yeah, pretty much”“I guess you ‘can do anything’ after all”
Ron wasn’t positive, but he was sure Kim was rolling her eyes at the last remark.
“Anyways the transport should be at my place in five, they can’t give us a lift back so we’re going to have to drive it back to GJ.”“Well, as long as I get to drive we could still have a chance at that date I had planned for us”
“As much as it pains me to say it, you’re right. See you in a few”Kim hung up before Ron could defend himself; driver’s ed. was a long time ago and his driving greatly improved over that time.
He didn’t even destroy any cars in that period of time either, well ok he lost a hubcap off of his mothers Accord but that curb came out of nowhere!
He quickly changed into his mission clothes before he placed his list in his pocket.
“Rufus, mission time buddy” He said, holding the flap open. Rufus dove right in.
Before he set out Ron checked his watch, 10:45am. Plenty of time to bring the car back and still go on the date he planned out, if things go according to plan.
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Later that day….
The hover jet dropped the two teens off in front of the Wyoming State Police Impound yard where their ‘delivery item’ awaited them. It was just over the boarder, giving the two of them only Montana to drive through. The car itself had to be dropped off at GJ headquarters which was just outside of Middleton, why they were allowing the two of them drive evidence back they had no idea.
Kim kept prying Ron for information on the date he had planned for them later, but he wouldn’t spill, even after being subjected to the ‘puppy dog pout’. Of course the golf magazine he was pretending to read on the flight helped.
“Excuse me, Global Justice sent us here to pick up a vehicle for them” Kim asked the state official sitting in the booth.
“You have a file number?”
“456-086”
The official typed on his keyboard, when the file came up he tried to stifle his laughter.
“Is something funny?” Ron asked over Kim’s shoulder.
“Oh no, 456-086 right?” The official asked as he kept chuckling.
“Yes”
“Oh, man. Yeah its here, you’re actually going to drive that thing back to Colorado?”
“Is there a problem with that?” Kim asked, narrowing her brow.
“No miss, it’s the last one on the right, the number should be on the windshield.”
“Or what’s left of it” he added under his breath.
“Thank you” Kim said before she started off into the yard, dragging Ron behind her.
“Good luck, you’ll need it” the clerk called back to them.
“What was that about?” Ron asked as he kept looking back towards the booth.
“I don’t know, let’s just get this stupid car and get back home”
The two walked past rows upon rows of cars till they finally came to the end of the isles, to their vehicle.
“Oh, dude this can’t be right” Ron said as his jaw hung down in shock.
“Please tell me there’s a mix up here” Kim said as she looked over the information Wade provided them.
“456-086, its no mix up Kim” Ron said dejectedly.
It came clear to the both of them why the clerk was laughing when the car came up. It was an ex-Wyoming Highway Patrol car, still sporting its badly damaged white over black paint, but that wasn’t what got them. What got them was that the car was riddled front to back with bullet holes, the rear and side windows were blown out, the windshield had six bullet holes through it with cracks running all over the place.
As they got closer the very tell-tail smell came over them, giving them understanding on why some people called ex-police cars ‘vomit comets’. It still had the divider in it which was also riddled with holes, the seats were torn and the rubber flooring was filthy.
“Does this even run?” Kim asked as she walked around the 9 year old cruiser.
“Only one way to find out Kim” Ron said as he tugged on the drivers side door handle and sat behind the wheel.
The dashboard was in even worse shape than they thought the radio was missing and there were screw holes all over the place. Ron looked down at the certified speedometer at the odometer, it read 324,023 miles.
No wonder Drakken and Shego used this, it probably cost them all of $50 dollars Ron thought.
Kim slid into the passenger seat and buckled her belt.
“Lets get this over with Ron; I do not want to spend all day in this heap”
“Got that right” Ron said as he turned the ignition.
Nothing,
He turned it again; the car struggled to turn over till Ron stood on the gas pedal causing it to sputter to life in a cloud of bluish smoke.
Its going to be one of those missions He thought as he started driving out of the yard.
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It was 12:45; they were on the road for 45 minutes. Once they were on the road the dried vomit smell kind of dissipated, probably because the only window in the car was the windshield, and that had a bunch of holes in it.
They were traveling down an open stretch of Montana freeway at a steady 70mph, both were amazed that despite the initial startup problem the car ran fine, as long as you avoided the smell and sight of the car.
“So far so good Ron, we should be back by about 4pm” Kim said as she looked at the vacant Montana scenery.
“Hope so Kim, cause you’ll love the date I planned for us” Ron said with a smile, Rufus gave a thumbs up from his spot in the vacant area where the radio used to be.
Suddenly the car started to sputter.
“What was that?” Kim asked.
“Don’t know” Ron said as he looked down at the instrument panel.
The ‘LOW FUEL’ light was flashing, but the gauge read full, the car couldn’t be out of gas.
The speed started to drop as Ron started applying more gas, the engine revved but it sounded choppy.
Eventually the car coasted to a stop right next to a “Service Area, 5 miles ahead” sign. Ron turned the key again, the car wouldn’t start. It kept sounding like it would but it never did.
“Kim, you’re not going to believe this, but I think we’re out of gas”
“Ugh, didn’t you check the gauge to see if it was full?” Kim argued.
“Look for yourself KP, the needle is on the ‘F’!” Ron said pointing to the gauge.
Indeed it was still on ‘F’, Ron tried one last time to crank the car, and when he did the gas gauge plummeted down past ‘E’.
“Aw man, the next rest area is 5 miles from here” Ron whined as he hit his head against the steering wheel, causing the horn to sound.
“It’ll take to long to walk there and back, Ugh that leaves one option” Kim said as she threw her seatbelt off.
“And what’s that?” Ron asked, never lifting his head off the steering wheel.
“We push” Kim said as she opened up her door.
“Great”
Ron placed the car in Neutral and opened his door, from the doors they both started pushing the heavy sedan down the shoulder towards the rest station.
Neither of them said anything to each other while they pushed, mainly because they couldn’t believe this was happening. This was supposed to be their special night, and instead of dinner and dancing they were stuck on a Montana highway pushing a shot-up ex-cruiser towards a distant gas station.
Both lost track of time as they shoved the car down the road, causing many people to slow down and look, but none actually got out to help.
They finally reached the gas station at 2:34, mainly thanks to the mostly down hill parts of the road.
Ron had the tank filled and kept the recite; he’d bill GJ for it when they got there. They climbed back into the car and speed off down the road.
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3:15,
Ron had the car up to 80 as they rushed down the road, desperately trying to make up the lost time from the gas situation, the gauge actually worked now, which wasn’t a surprise to them, it was like the car was toying with them.
“Ron would you please slow down, we’ll still have plenty of time for our date” Kim protested.
“No way Kim, we lost too much time” Ron said as he applied more throttle to the car.
The Speedo went to 90.
“You’re going to either break something or get us killed, or BOTH!! Slow Down!” Kim was practically shouting at him now.
Ron toned her out; his only goal was to get back as quickly as possible now.
He was so focused he didn’t even notice the very apparent vibration that coursed through the car; it was so bad that it woke Rufus up.
Ron ignored it and put even more pressure on the gas pedal, pushing the car to 110.
‘SNAP!’Ron felt the back of the car lift, the engine revved way up as the sound of metal scrapping pavement coursed through the interior.
‘WHAM!’The entire back of the car lifted off the ground with enough force it caused their seatbelts to tighten. The car slammed back to the ground hard, causing Ron to hit his head on the steering wheel and Kim to hit her arm on the arm rest.
The car coasted to a stop still with the sound of metal dragging on the pavement. Both were dazed but alright. Ron looked over to see Kim glare at him.
“Not…..a…..word” Ron said, pointing his finger at her.
He climbed out of the car, his first instinct told him to check under the car. There rested something that he shouldn’t be seeing, the driveshaft. Somehow Ron managed to snap the driveshaft on the car which almost resulted in the now loose driveshaft acting as a ‘pole-vault’ tried to flip the car.
First he was glad they weren’t seriously hurt, and then he was majorly bummed because now there was no way to get the car back, not unless someone could install a driveshaft at a moments notice.
“How is it Mr. Joey Chitwood?” Kim asked sarcastically.
“Bad KP, unless there’s a place around here that could put in a driveshaft we’re stuck.” Ron said as he slumped against the side of the car.
“You mean a place like that?” Kim asked, pointing over her shoulder.
Ron looked back at her; amazingly he managed to break the driveshaft right in front of an auto repair shop.
“Wow, what are the chances of that?”
“About a hundred to one, since you broke it, you’re pushing it in there by yourself stuntman” Kim said as she walked over to the main office.
“Aw man!”
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5:55,The shop was more than understanding of their current situation and offered to swap in a new driveshaft, only that when Ron tried to ‘pole-vault’ the car he also twisted the rear axel springs and sent one end of the driveshaft into the trunk. It took them a little over an hour to get everything fixed and slide the driveshaft in place. Of course it did end up costing roughly $1200 dollars; Kim gave them GJ’s address for the bill.
They were back on the road for another hour, Kim was napping in the passenger seat, Rufus was doing the same in his spot in the dashboard, and Ron was still driving.
They crossed the boarder into Colorado ten minutes ago; it was already getting dark out. All of Ron’s excellent plans for their first real fancy date were officially a lost cause now; there was no way they were going to make the dinner, or the dancing.
Ron turned the knob for the headlights, only the interior gauges lit up, leaving Ron with no headlights.
Probably shot out like the rest of this heap, Ron grumbled.
Luckily the car had a Spotlight on it that still worked; it would have to due for headlights now.
All I wanted was a nice romantic night with Kim, but no, this stupid car has ruined everything!Ron’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, everything went wrong because of this car.
Now we’re probably going to have relationship troubles now and break up, and its all because of you!Ron applied more throttle to the car, hate and anger towards the vehicle coursed through him.
In his mind the car ruined everything; everything was going down hill since they took the mission. Ron wanted the car to pay for potentially ruining everything in his life.
Now I’m going to be so depressed because I couldn’t pull off a romantic dinner for KP, she’ll probably dump me and go off and get married to someone a million times more romantic then me, all because of you!The speedometer climbed rapidly, 120, 125…
Ron was so intent in his anger filled thoughts he didn’t even notice the oil pressure gauge start to drop.
Tick-tick-tick-tickRon put his foot to the floor while the oil gauge went to zero. The engine temp gauge started to climb now as the sounds from the engine became more apparent.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tickAll I wanted was one night, one lousy night and now I’ll never have that chance again!135……139…..140, the speedometer couldn’t go any higher, the scenery blurred by at an astounding speed.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick‘Whoom!!’The car shuddered violently, bringing Ron out of his hate filled daze. He checked the gauges; every possible warning light that could come on was on.
The ‘Check Engine’, Oil, Battery, Temp, ABS, and even the airbag and seatbelt lights were on.
The car continued to shudder as Ron looked behind them, they were trailing a large cloud of smoke. He gave the car more gas.
The engine struggled as the shaking intensified; the engine itself started sounding incredibly bad.
Ron planted his foot to the floor in a final attempt to keep the car going.
‘WHAM!’Now the engine made an awful noise, like that of metal grinding into metal.
The wounded car limped to a stop on the side of the road, just 3 miles shy of Middleton. Smoke poured out from under the hood and enveloped the car.
Ron slammed his head against the steering wheel again, and again the horn sounded.
Way to go Stoppable, you fought the car, and the car won. Nice job you loser.Rufus who was now fully awake crawled onto Ron’s shoulder, concerned for his master’s well being.
“Ron?” the little guy squeaked, Ron just sighed.
“Come on buddy, lets see the carnage” Ron said as he climbed out of the car, Rufus on his shoulder still, he slammed the door closed, completely aggravated at himself.
He cautiously opened the hood, and was enveloped in a thick white-blue smoke. Ron didn’t know what exactly he was looking for, but from the amount of smoke, and the fact that some large chunks of the engine block were not were they should be told him it was probably terminal.
“What do you think buddy?”
Rufus scurried around on the radiator shroud, trying for a better vantage point, but his conclusion was very much like his. The engine was gone.
“Great, I ruined the mission, ruined the date. Could things get any worse?”
As if on cue, it started to rain. For Ron this was the last straw, literally.
He kicked the front bumper of the car and threw his hands up in the air.
“WHY ME! I CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!”
Ron was on the verge of tears; he stormed off to the side of the road and sat on a large rock, facing away from the car. All he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts and wonder how everything had gone so wrong for him.
“Ron?”
He didn’t turn back, he just continued to sit there and cry.
“Ron, is everything ok?”
“Obviously everything is not OK!” Ron snapped at her, surprising both her and himself.
He buried his face into his hands as he started weeping again, he felt a set of arms wrap gently around him.
“I’m sorry Kim” He wailed.
“It’s ok Ron, it’ll be ok”
“No it won’t! I had everything planned out KP, we’d get dressed up and go to this fancy restaurant, then go dancing and finish up with a nice romantic walk through the park. Instead we get a stupid delivery mission with the car from hell, never go on that date, you dump me and I’m left all by myself because of that stupid car!”
Kim slid up next to him, neither of them paying much attention to the fact that they were sitting in the rain, or that Rufus was frantically waving at them.
“Ron, look at me”
Reluctantly he looked up at her emerald green eyes and her now matted red hair; to him she still looked beautiful.
“Ron, you’re thinking too much.”
He was taken back by this.
“I am not going to leave you because we didn’t have that romantic dinner with dancing. Missions are a part of our life; in fact you could even look at this mission as a date.”
Ron allowed a small grin to come across his face.
“When you put it that way KP, we’ve been on thousands of dates, more than any couple on the planet! Badical!”
Kim smiled as she embraced Ron in a hug, “That’s my Ron”
“Still I’m intensely bummed about not taking you on that romantic date I wanted too.” Ron said.
“There will be other times Ron, besides, these kinds of dates allow us more privacy”
With that she leaned in, giving Ron a passionate kiss. When they broke it off, Ron still had his trademark goofy grin on his face.
“I’m all about our privacy” He finally said, causing Kim to giggle.
Rufus rushed up on the rock, positioning himself between the both of them.
“Rufus, what is it?” Ron asked, annoyed with the little guys intrusion on their moment.
Rufus, who was covered with dirt and grime pointed back towards the car before he passed out on his back.
Ron brought his eyes up from Rufus, his eyes connected with Kim’s whose had the same ‘uh-oh’ expression his did.
Slowly they turned back towards the car,
Somehow, while they were having their little talk the car caught fire and was now burning in the night at the side of the road, in the rain no less.
Ron started laughing, causing Kim to give him a shocked look. Ron continued laughing as he rolled off the rock and onto the wet ground, pointing at the burning car. Eventually Kim started laughing too. After all the trouble they went through to bring the car to GJ, the empty gas tank, the driveshaft, the cancellation of their romantic date, and even the blowing of its engine. After brining it through three states, it decides to go up in flames.
“Well……” Ron started as he caught his breath in between laughs,
“I guess Global Justice isn’t getting the car!” He started laughing again.
“I guess not Ron, there goes the evidence!” Kim added as she stated laughing again.
Rufus, who recovered from passing out sat on the rock and gave a confused look at the two teens who were laughing at a burning car while rolling in the wet grass.
After what seemed like forever, the two finally stopped laughing and got off the ground.
“Now what?” Ron asked as he stared at the burning car.
“Now we head home and call Wade. Have him tell GJ where to pick up the car” Kim said as she started giggling again.
“I mean how do we get home?”
“Oh Ron, as a friend from Japan once said ‘It would be-”
Ron put his hand up, cutting her off.
“I know! It’ll be our honor to walk.”
“Actually it would be your honor to carry me home” Kim said as she wrapped her arm around Ron’s midsection.
“Aw man!”
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It’s sufficient to say that running out of gas was the least of their worries. Slight change on what I originally planned for the contest but it just came to me, and seemed a thousand times better than what I originally planned.
Here’s a image of the vehicle that Kim and Ron had to drive back, only picture it without the police decals, lights and full of bullet holes and you get the idea.
