Stop Team Go:-When Zorpox and Kim are face to face Zorpox makes an offer to Kim that they can “rule the world together”, if you know what I mean.
It would be a funny K/R moment.
Other than that, there is absolutely nothing I would change.
Cap’n Drakken:All right to start off this is probably the first episode, of season 4, where the action sequences
MIGHT HAVE BEEN an issue with
Disney S & P. What I mean by this is,
Disney Channel usually likes
KP to be more
comedic/sitcom oriented, so it can (by
Disney Channel’s definition) fit in with its
sitcom mold with shows like
Hannah Montana, Suite Life, etc; which is why writing for
action/comedy shows like
KP and
AmDrag can be extremely hard to do, when the goal is to make the action sequences
suspenseful, but stay following
Disney’s S & P’s. I felt
American Dragon: Jake Long succeeded at this better where
KP unfortunately did not. The action sequences only work if you’re
IN THE MOMENT, Especially on repeated viewings. But certain things or elements done
writing wise can take you
OUT OF THE MOMENT.
One of the
biggest examples of this is in the
Graduation, 2 parter and that
stupid infamous off switch . Why it didn’t work is because
it made Warhok feel like just another buffoon, that KP usually runs into. And considering how
little exposure he had didn’t help either, it made him feel
less special.
Ron Perlman or not, if he isn’t written
seriously enough,
viewers won’t take him seriously enough. Doing a joke is one thing, but doing a joke that
turns the villain into an idiot (when the situation doesn’t call for it) is another.
One last comment on this: I love how
Disney Channel wanted the
VIP’s to make
KP more
sitcom oriented and for their scripts to have
less emphasis on action. Yet
their commercials advertising episodes like
Cap’n Drakken and
Oh No! Yono! Put the emphasis on the
intensity and/or high adventure appeal.
It’s like freaking
Christmas Day for the
Disney Channel executives, when they can find ways to have their cake and eat it.
Anyways, the main problem with
Cap’n Drakken is that the
18th century stuff is presented in a
boring and pretentious manner. Remember
Rewriting History, that episode had historic versions of the characters. But
the focus was put on
the mystery of the past (which was ruined by BS & P inserting the dream sequence), not how dated the past was. [/u]
The
other main problem is that (as
Brian Swenlin suggested in the
Cap’n Drakken thread,
“The senior class had seen being stuck in ye ol' days as a curse; in Drakken's case it literally WAS a curse, but it wasn't until the kids stopped fighting traditions and learned to accept and protect them that they were able to "defeat the curse" (literally embodied by Drakken) and return to a contented-calmed-sea-or-series-status-quo (saving their grade along the way)”. The problem with this line of thinking goes all the way back to the first act. The Senior Trip was
turned into an assignment by Mr. Barkin without him having been justified in doing so. In other words,
the Senior Body was put in a situation unjustified; there was no compelling reason for why the Seniors should accept the situation and these traditions when their whole senior trip was blackmailed by Mr. Barkin at the last minute to begin with. That’s
one big reason why this episode failed, the script
expects the audience to share
forced empathy[/b] when the senior body actually accepts traditions and situations but it’s not a situation they should’ve
HAD TO ACCEPT to begin with, If Barkin
had been justified in his actions of
turning the vacation into an assignment at the last possible second that might have changed the quality/whole dynamic in the script, but he wasn’t. Plus
the living history stuff was Capital B Boring, the
jokes were lame and dated, and the action sequences in the third act
didn’t have any flow at all.
I feel this episode also needed someone who could
bridge the gap from the living history town (and their ways of life) to the real world (the ones our characters live in). Someone who could
understand the values that living history could offer, but comes from the world our characters do, Enter
Nana Possible! Considering how much I enjoyed
Nana Possible in
The Golden Years, I was sort of disappointed that she and Kim didn’t have some sort of Adventure again. But this episode could’ve provided
that opportunity.
You could have
Nana Possible having a job at the living history town as a
tour guide/chaperone for the visiting senior body. It would instantly give us a character there to care about that’s not from the punished senior body or history town, but would fit right in with the living history town and the outsiders.
Another goal would be to
cut back a little on the
18th century focus, what I mean is visuals like Kim, Ron, Bonnie, and Monique being dressed in 18th century clothes and zooming in on them. It made for an episode with
really, really, really dull visuals. Use the living history town in
smaller doses.
Anyways on to the rewrite:
Beginning Spoilers:-When Barkin comes in to the scene, have him all covered in feathers (i.e. that part in
Home Alone 1 where
Harry gets covered by the feathers because he sets the fan off). He demands to know out of the whole senior body, who’s idea it was to set up THAT senior prank in his office. The entire senior body (except for Kim, Ron, and Monique) point to Bonnie. Bonnie says that she thought everyone was still up for that prank, but they told her the pranks were off, but she says she never listens anyways. Barkin tells Bonnie, that she reminded her that 2 weeks ago that if he was the victim of one more Senior prank, that the entire Senior Body would suffer dire consequences, regardless of whether one person screwed it up for everyone else.
But at that moment, he also mentions how it is perfect timing seeing how
West Beach Bay harbor has been closed because of the volcanic ash, and the rest of them are booked.
And because of the prank that
Bonnie (representing the Senior Body) pulled, he has booked them at Port Mystic Cove Haven. Where he also discusses the assignment their given. Also the Senior trip would only be the weekend, not a week.
What this does right off the bat is give Barkin a justifiable, and understandable reason for turning the Senior vacation into an assignment, he acts like the tough but fair principal that we all remember; not a jackass who does things for unjustifiable reasons. The fault of The Senior Trip getting turned to an assignment would fall onto Bonnie’s shoulder’s since her screwing it up for everyone else would be in character for her.
Act 1:-
Living History Town:The senior body would arrive at the town and would get their technology, taken away as planned.
Kim would meet with her
Nana, all surprised to see her.
Nana Possible explains that she’s in charge of tours at the site during that time of year. Nana would also ask about how Kim’s doing with her life specifically between
her and Ron. Just as Kim is about to talk about it, Franklin Barkin interrupts to tell them that they have chores planned for them.
-Ron’s chore assignment would be given to him by
Franklin Barkin as planned.
-Same with Kim.
-Ditto with Bonnie.
-Drakken’s new submarine lair: (complete with a
circle logo with his face on it ;D, think Bowser’s submarine in Super Mario 64).
In this scene he’s just getting settled in but his vacuum machine outside brings in the treasure chest. He opens it up and starts breathing in
“the dust” from the chest, where we see the beginning of his “evolution”.
-Back at the
Living History Town:
We get the second round with Ron screwing up, and
Franklin Barkin putting out a fire and docking him points.
-Barkin comes around to Kim’s work, where Kim stops grumbling with him taking off points.
-Same thing as above with Bonnie.
-Keep the tv scene with Ron, and have Rufus
“dressed up early” since his outfit was adorable, and it’s the only outfit I liked.
-In the campfire scene both Nana Possible and Franklin Barkin are telling the story about Captain Black Eye Brown. Basically keep the exposition that’s given but toss in a part about a
gold necklace Bonnie bought from the gift shop, Nana & Barkin explain that it was one of Black Eye Brown’s treasure’s that was stolen from him.
(The part about the necklace would come into play later on) F. Barkin & Nana tell the Senior’s to get some sleep, because tomorrow, they would be waking up at 5 A.M. dressing up in clothing that the town folks wear.
-
Drakken’s submarine two:Shego comes in to tell him about potential damage done to the submarine. Only to be shocked to see him dressed up as a pirate. (Thus ending Act 1)
I would hold off on the senior body “dressing up” till act 2. That way the dull visuals of them “dressed up” don’t last long enough to drag the episode down. But last just long enough to set up the desired mood to set up the third act. Also the part where Nana brings up Kim/Ron was a little something thrown in for the shippers. -
Act 2: Drakken’s submarine three:Shego continue’s to be annoyed with Drakken’s pirateness, but also tells them that if they take in any water, the submarine would fall apart, because of his glass window that he requested. Then she leaves.
-
Living History town: (Sunrise)Franklin Barkin rings the bell, the main four seniors are awake, and cranky. Then we get that
dramatic shot of the change of clothes for the Seniors to be in on the start of the second day.
-Ron’s chore 3:
Ron seems to have everything in place, but is caught cheating by Remy. But this time Ron puts out the fire w/out him or Nana using water (Nana is checking on him this time). The fire is put out he even picks up a piece of charcoal, saying that nothing bad is happening with the cabin. Then he
drops a piece of it, and turns into a
special piece of charcoal that he accidentally creates
that one little piece causes
a fog of smoke to come out of the little piece of charcoal, both he and Nana evacuate the cabin. Once they get out, he says to Nana,
“I’m so losing more points aren’t I.” (Ron and his discovery of the “new charcoal " comes in to play later on.)-
Kim, Ron, and Bonnie talk; Wade coming in on horseback:Keep the scene as is, oh and Bonnie is wearing the gold necklace as well.
-
New boat transportation:Also keep as is.
-
Ready to dive:Keep as is as well.
Drakken’s submarine 4:-Breaking the glass:
Keep this as is.
-
Back on the boat:Also keep as well.
-Remy returns to “Black Eye Brown”:
Only thing to add would be a part where Shego reads about somebody named
Penelope Clearwater stealing a
“golden necklace” from
Black Eye Brown and him
holding a grudge against her because of it.
-Living History Town: (Back at Shore):
Add Nana
standing next to Franklin Barkin when Kim and Ron get to shore. Nana mentions that she is disappointed in Kim. The sword is also stolen from the lighthouse. Just as Shego and “Drakken” leave he
gets a glimpse at Bonnie at shore, wearing the very necklace that was stolen from him.(Act 2 ends).
Act 3: -
“Drakken” and Shego out at sea, the ship rises:Only one addition, just before this scene ends “Black Eye Brown” says he wants Shego to
do him a favor when they go back to town.
-
Living History Town: (Pirate Assault)The town gets attacked the town’s people “leave”; Kim, Ron, Franklin Barkin, Nana Possible, and Monique all regroup at the shore. They all ask where Bonnie is. Just then
“Black Eye Brown” is seen
speaking through a big wooden horn (that works like a loudspeaker) telling the town that he has Bonnie (but calls her Penelope Clearwater, because of her wearing the necklace), and says that
he wants the town to surrender all the treasures that belong to the town and to rendezvous with him out at mystical rock in 1 hour. If they don’t do as he says then “Penelope” walks the plank.(On another note, this sets up karma coming back to bite Bonnie in the butt, due to her causing the demolishing of the senior trip. So think of this as sort of her comeuppance. Plus could you actually see her going on board the ship; also “Black Eye Brown’s” thinking Bonnie is “Penelope Clearwater” has to do with her wearing the golden necklace that was stolen from him) -Our five characters start to plan as they head towards an old wooden ship, saying they need a captain. Just guess who it turns out to be.
But then both Kim and Nana say they need a plan. So they all huddle.
-The next scene shows them starting to set sail. Nana mentions to everyone that they need to find “Black Eye Browns”
treasure chest once they get there; then Kim gets hoisted, and Monique comes up with a makeover for Kim.
-
Pirate Showdown:Our heroes’ ship arrives at the ghost ship, where Bonnie is complaining about not being
“Penelope”, and just as Bonnie is
on the plank. The good guys arrive, Nana announces through
their own wooden horn that they have the town’s treasure and our
using the crane to put on to their ship. “Captain Black Eye Brown” opens the chest. But Ron pops out of the chest and he throws down the “special charcoal” he created earlier, this causes a HUGE cloud of black smoke. He also says
"Can I get a BOOYAH" before throwing the charcoal down But Kim also notices Ron being
locked in the stocks, by Shego.
So she swings aboard takes out two crewmembers, and comes
face to face with “Captain Black Eye Brown” (
Well Yo Ho Yo Ho) the two have a sword fight for about
ten seconds. Shego interferes as written, so she’s locked in the stocks, by the ghost crew.
Kim gets attacked by the ghost crew and also gets Ron and Bonnie free from their stocks but gets overpowered by the crew.
Then help arrives, the ship fires and F. Barkin, Monique, and Nana as they swing aboard, Ron rushes to their side picks up a sword, but accidentally throws it. ;D
The good guys and the ghost crew square off.
Bonnie steers the ship.
Shego frees herself from her stock.
Monique gets her moment to shine against one of the crewmembers.
Kim steers the ship from crashing, this time.
Just then “Black Eye Brown” has the sword, and we get that cool shot where he stands right in front of Kim.
Then Franklin Barkin blows a whistle that plays the “living history town music” that causes Remy to switch sides and take the sword.
Kim and Nana
stand in front of “Black Eye Brown” with their fists raised. “The Captain” covers his face with his hands and says,
“Not in the face.” So Kim and Nana kick him in the stomach
(A great callback to “The Golden Years”) this sends him landing next to Shego who has the sword. Shego gives “him”
the look.
Kim steers D & S off balance. Nana tells the captain that he better worry about what happens when his open treasure chest
hits the water. Ron and Monique throw it into the water, along with Bonnie’s golden necklace. “Black Eye Brown” goes after it. As soon as both “he” and the pirate’s chest are in the water, Black Eye Brown’s spirit
leaves Drakken and gets sucked into the treasure chest. Kim dives after Drakken to save him.
Shego then says “it’s back to basics.” then drops the sword.
Kim and Drakken are above water, and Shego picks Drakken up just as they leave.
The ghost ship disappears, and Wade helps everybody onto the ship. Along with what’s there Nana says she’s very proud of Kim. And our hero’s arrive at shore.
-
End credits: Living History Town:Wouldn’t change a thing.
Basically what this revision does is give Barkin a
justifiable reason for making the senior trip an assignment (the senior prank).
It gives us a character to
care about that isn’t
part of the senior body or
the town’s folk (Nana Possible). It
tones down on the Living History stuff so it isn’t so lame and insufferable (they only dress up in acts 2-3).
Gives us
a deeper character study of Black Eye Brown with him mistaking Bonnie for “Penelope Clearwater” because of her wearing “his” golden necklace, this also gives us a more character driven plot with Bonnie involved.
We get a payoff of the Senior Body
learning something from living history, Ron uses the “special charcoal” that would pay off later in the episode.
And the action sequences flow into each other better, instead of the action sequences
being mindless sequences with no flow to them.
Not to shabby if you ask me.
Anybody have any thoughts on this?