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Post by tlionheart78 on Apr 6, 2007 23:16:59 GMT -5
Many years ago, we were exposed to a powerful woman. A woman who's strength knew no bounds. Her power was absolute and could not be denied, not even by her own enemies. We would soon see her rise to great supremacy and we would all bow at her feet. We would worship her for her beauty, brains, cunning, and overall intelligence. She would soon become the Supreme One and we would all soon begin to fear her for all of these qualities and more that she would have hidden up her sleeve. Okay, Shego worshiping over, let's talk about Ashley Benlove. ;D Wow...she reached 100K posts. I never did see that coming. Who knew? Even when the mods shut down the post tracking of the Fun Board and Member's section, she was still able to do this! How was this possible? Does she own gremlins that bypass the proboards and allow her to reach this uncanny number? Does she have her own legion of hench(wo)men to send so many posts from different parts of the world (if this is the case, Avenger's Army will strike them down!)? Whatever the case, Ashley has achieved a milestone that no human (another theory?) has ever been able to achieve on the boards. Due to this achievement, I, tlionheart78, resident KP Season 4 Critic, felt it proper ( especially after she gave me the go-ahead) to pay tribute to this by setting up a Roast. Yep, y'heard right. Ash has willingly decided to become the focus of such an auspicious event. I am not alone in this. With his amazing (and seriously disturbing) wit and humor, Avenger has also stepped up to be my co-host of this unique proboards Roast. So, what is it you folks at home have to do? Quite simple, really. Share with us any story, from the realistic to the quite absurd, that you have that involves the pwner of this KP forum. Humor us, entertain us, do whatever you wish while we watch Ashley sit and squirm under our tributes. Though this is a roast, Avenger and I do have one simple request. Though I know you all have a LOT to say about her, please be respectful to her. I.E. no flamings or hardcore insults are allowed during this event. Anyone caught in this act and Avenger and I will unleash the dragon upon said offenders. Now, Avenger and I are going to make this as much of a possible Roast as possible. Therefore, he and I are asking that if you want to send a Roast out to Ashley, PM one of us first saying that you like to participate. If you decide to participate, please send us your post so we can check out if there are any "questionable" remarks (in the form of non-humorous flaming. NOT ALLOWED!). This is to make sure we keep up with the guidelines of the forum. We're having fun with her, not trying to bring her down. Once we get you down, we'll make a post to properly introduce you as in an actual roast. Simple as that! Keep in mind though that you will be subjected to occasional (yet fun) ridicule as well. All in all, let's have fun with this, while being respectful to Ashley. Since I talked my head off, it's time to let my co-host have a say in this matter. He'll give you a good example of what to expect when posting in this thread. And now, ladies and gentlemen of RS.net, I present to you my co-host, Drakken's OTHER nemesis, and future emperor of the world (fact of life, deal with it!): AVENGER!"
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Post by Darth_Comrade on Apr 7, 2007 9:21:21 GMT -5
Roating Ashleybenlove? That sounds...mean! COOL! Okay, howabout if I introduce her to my younger brother...my apprentice if you will. Tenkan. Indeed, The force is strong with him...he will be trained to destroy her...I have sensed it.
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Apr 7, 2007 10:28:05 GMT -5
That's the coolest and weirdest thing I've ever read. Which is saying a lot as I've had a 100 degree higher fever the last couple of days.
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Post by drakkenlover on Apr 7, 2007 10:45:09 GMT -5
Roating Ashleybenlove? That sounds...mean! COOL! Okay, howabout if I introduce her to my younger brother...my apprentice if you will. Tenkan. Indeed, The force is strong with him...he will be trained to destroy her...I have sensed it. Your brother sounds like a threat to my Sith Empire. But, I will deal with him later. for now, we must begin the roast of AshleyBenlove, who i have known for many many many...many...I could go on, but that would take another many many years, but anyways, I have known her for a while and shall share my many exuberant and humorous tells of madness about THE [glow=pink,4,300]AshleyBenlove[/glow]
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Post by Ashley Benlove on Apr 7, 2007 11:36:32 GMT -5
LOL. I plan to do a video reply when there are more replies... and I'm feeling better than I have in the last two days.
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Post by RC Williams♥Bonnie on Apr 7, 2007 11:45:48 GMT -5
To be honest.. I really don't have anything to roast Ash on...
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Post by dieter on Apr 7, 2007 14:33:07 GMT -5
I grow impatient waiting for Avenger. Where is he? Send him now, or face my wrath.
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Post by tlionheart78 on Apr 7, 2007 16:04:17 GMT -5
Okay. Getting an audience. That's good. Now let's all get some patience while we're at it! I've sent Avenger a PM concerning this. I saw him here last night and I thought he'd have his intro up. There may be some editing here, but trust me, it's all in good taste since I want to see some order here. Hopefully my co-host will be here tonight....I hope. As for those wanting to contribute, send me a PM saying you want to participate (works even better if you include your post). That way we can introduce you properly as per a real Roast. Thanks.
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Post by Rocket on Apr 7, 2007 16:05:46 GMT -5
Okay, that may sound dumb now but...
What is a roast?
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Post by Avenger on Apr 7, 2007 17:29:08 GMT -5
I must first thank our gracious host, Mr. Lionheart, for all the time and work he has been putting into this quite auspicious occasion. Pulling him away from his Wii must have been quite the challenge. I know how much time he spends locked away in his room, day and night, furiously playing with his Wii. He’s been playing Zelda: Twilight Princess so much, I think Link has gone blind. Seriously, buddy, it can’t be healthy to play with your Wii that much… And that brings me to AshleyBenlove… 100,000 Posts… Wow… Really. Just, wow! I mean, if I had a dollar for every post Ashley has made, I could be paying someone else to be here, their soul offered up on the sacrificial altar in place of mine, and still have $99,999.17 left over. (Souls come surprisingly cheap these days.) You can’t help but feel tainted, your soul drained of a substantial portion of its purity, when speaking of a woman who will stop at nothing to seduce every person on the Earth. (Even travel through time !) I mean, what can I say about a woman whose libido puts even nabu to shame? Seriously! AshleyBen love? More like AshleyBen lust! Her hands have touched more hot buns than a baker during peak hours. Her face appears in millions of Americans’ bedroom windows every night. I know they were planning to do a report about her on Dateline's “To Catch A Predator”, but she’s had Chris Hansen locked up in her bedroom for the past month. In all honesty, though, Ashley is one of the board’s greatest members. I remember first signing on to these boards and how quick people were to be very helpful and welcoming. And she was definitely one of those people. I can’t thank her enough for that and for her level of fanaticism that even I am afraid to strive for. Plus, she said I was hot! (And that always gets you points in my book.) And to reach 100,000 Posts, to have that much to say about our shared love of Kim Possible, is just amazing. AshleyBenlove is the heart and soul (however cheap it may be) of RonStoppable.net! I hope she understands that we kid because we love. I am honored to share the same message board with her. Congrats on 100,000 Ash! Here’s to 100,000 more! Now, before I bring out our next presenter, everyone please take note: [glow=red,2,300]DO NOT REPLY TO THIS THREAD![/glow] Unless you have sent either myself or Lionheart a PM including your planned post, and until we have introduced you as the next presenter, do not make any replies in this thread. We are trying to run a very tight ship here and keep this flowing like an actual Roast. If you have any questions about what a Roast is or how to participate or anything else, again, PM AVENGER OR LIONHEART! Once all who wish to participate have presented, we will then allow Ashley to make her own post, making some jokes at our expense and generally saying anything else she may want to say on this auspicious occasion. After that post, the thread will be completely open to any and all discussion and at that time you may feel free to comment on whatever you like. (And I will make sure to include a post that states the thread is now open for discussion.) Until that time… [glow=red,2,300]DO NOT POST IN THIS THREAD![/glow]Speaking of Wii players… it is my intense pleasure to introduce our next presenter. Whether animal, vegetable, mineral, or eyebrow, he has probably fondled it. Ladies and gentlemen, NABUSAN!
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Post by nabusan on Apr 7, 2007 19:01:32 GMT -5
;D Oooh, can I play with tlionhearts Wii? I'm sure my magic hands can keep it going all night long ^^ Anywho.... Ashley Benlove! The girl whose post count single-handedly crippled the ProBoards servers(!) Have you no mercy, woman?! If her commitment to KP was still in question, I'd simply point to her gazillion fan fics, signed AVPC script, encyclopedic knowledge of the show and the fact that she's the only person I know who cries whilst watching new episodes of Kim Possible. [Good god, she cries?!] Why yes indeed, she does. And if you think that's weird, you've only reached the tip of the iceberg! As Avenger's mentioned, she has quite a libido! Aside from writing erotic fanfics, she also *cough* 'self-gratifies' herself after watching episodes of KP ^^ This, as well as many other reasons, is why ABL is my best friend here on rs.net 100,000 is not just a number. ABL's posts have opened a unique window into her personality and life, allowing me and other members to learn so much about her! I shall mimic my sexy amigos in wishing you onto another 100k, so newer members can also bask in your awesomosity! But girl, please don't break the internet! Lotsa love and hugs, Just Jack *jazz hands*
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Post by tlionheart78 on Apr 10, 2007 19:18:22 GMT -5
Thanks you Nabusan. We knew we could count on you for such an audacious posting. He never ceases to amaze me. He lives in England, he's form an Arab family, an atheist, and gay. I tried to explain such an oddity to a local psychiatrist. Right now, doc's still delirious after feinting from my explanation and is mumbling stuff like "The end is nigh..." or something. *Hears crashes and tires screeching backstage* Uhm, 'scuse me folks. *walks off stage...walks back on after a few minutes* Er...Avenger's trying to get our next guest under control here. While he's doing that, I do wish to point out to those that posted here previously without contributing a Roast to Ashley, you're welcome to do so. Don't forget to send it to either Avenger or I first via PM. That way we can set up an intro for you and/or help you with your post before you go ahead. I've sent a few PMs out to a few members, so if you get the chance, check 'em out and send us a line saying you wish to contribute. HEY, AVENGER, IS HE READY YET!?!!!?! "I think so!" *sigh* As long as he can do this. Lord know at his age what he's able to to on that scooter! Man he's a wild one. Okay! Our next speaker is well beloved all across the forum. He has attempted the ultimate dream of a Kimmvention and set up a banquet of Kings for those able to experience the Kim Possible fandom. How does he do it? How does he get TPTB to bow to his whims? Simple! At his age, he only gets one thing: PITY! Face it, for someone his age, the higher ups have no choice but to pity the old man on the scooter. I shouldn't digress though, he has done a lot for us, the fans of Kim Possible, and we are more than grateful for all of his hard work. Besides, he clearly needs something to do as he prepares for retirement *checks watch* which begins in 5 five minutes! ;D Ladies and Gentlemen, the illustrious and wise old man: GRANDPA RD!!!!
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Post by rd on Apr 10, 2007 19:55:11 GMT -5
*RD rolls out from behind curtain on his little red mobility cart, wearing his 'Party Naked' t-shirt and KP green cargo shorts and a black JPL baseball cap. He's holding the Buzz Lightyear bubble blowing ray gun and honking an old school bicycle horn that's going 'Honka-Honka' while shooting a million bubbles towards the audience*
Well, I'll be hornswoggled if this isn't a roast of... of...
*Avenger bends down and whispers in my ear.*
"Who?"
*Looks around at the audience*
"Who ARE all of you kids???"
"This is the ROAST, RD... Remember?" Avenger says in total exasperation.
"Roast? No thanks, young man, gives me GAS something fierce."
*Avenger throws up his hands and stomps off stage.*
"Ohh, yeah, I remember now. This has something to do with 100,000 posts by that gal with the boobage! And the high temperature! Yeah, that's the ticket!"
"Ashley, 100,000 posts is absolutely phenominal to me. How anybody could be so dedicated to a show and message board just boggles my beady little mind, even if 98.7% of them were just 2 or 3 word OMG's or giggles or "I agree..."
And the video replies were priceless in themselves, treasures that will forever stay on my HARD drive 'cuz I'll never be able to convert them to my floppy. Bada-BING!!!
Your stories are enough to keep my heart beating for at least another decade, and some of them even kept me changing batteries on my pacemaker every other night.
Seriously now, You are the heart of this message board, a wonderful beautiful young lady that I have seen grow and mature for as long as I have been a member of this great Kimmunity. You have gone from using words like 'Stupido' or 'Doofy' to using what you must be thinking right now about this old guy sitting on stage ribbing you unmercifully, LOL!
'Ludicrous!'
So, Ashley, thanks for being my friend, and here's to hundreds of thousands MORE posts to the world!
*RD holds up bubble blaster, blows a stream of bubbles all over the stage as he exits, with the bicycle horn just blasting.*
*As he passes Nabusan, a 'thump-thump' is heard, followed by a blood-curdling scream*
"Nabu, you were TOLD to keep the BEAST tucked away, Dag-nabbit"
*RD guns the chair to full throttle and burns rubber off of the stage with Nabu hobbling in full pursuit*
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Post by Avenger on Apr 13, 2007 1:36:17 GMT -5
I would like to thank you all for bearing with us during our brief hiatus. They had to air out the old man smell. And wash it out of the carpet. Who knew Gramps had a 50-gallon bladder!
Well, now that we’re past the… unpleasantness… it’s time to introduce our next presenter. I could say that she is the loveliest, kindest, and most intelligent member on these boards. I could say that… but that would be a complete lie. She swears like a sailor. She drinks to excess. And she drowns puppies! Because she enjoys so many of the same activities as Ashley, I figured she would be the perfect person to honor her tonight.
KIMRON POSSTOPPABLE, everybody!
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Post by Kimron Posstoppable on Apr 15, 2007 2:55:36 GMT -5
*Intro of Janet Jackson's "That's The Way Love Goes" plays in background* Heh. I've always wanted to enter a room to that song. Nice. *Song fades out* I could say that she is the loveliest, kindest, and most intelligent member on these boards. Awww... I could say that… but that would be a complete lie. She swears like a sailor. She drinks to excess. And she drowns puppies! Hey! I don't drink. So... 100,000 posts and counting. I don't think I've ever seen that happen at any other forum I visit. I knew Ash would do it because she loves RS.net. I just thought it would've happened sooner. I think it's beyond an addiction. We're all her weird little online family. If anyone had told me a couple of years ago that I was going to be friends with a 19 year-old Texan who loves "Gone With the Wind" and considers "Redneck Woman" to be one of her personal theme songs, I would've told them they were crazy. After getting to know her, I've come to realize that Ashley Benlove is one of the nicest, most hard-headed strong-willed, second horniest (guess who the first is? ), attention ho' members I know on the board and I'm glad to call her my friend. Love ya, Ash! *hugs* May you post 100,000 more times! ...she's the only person I know who cries whilst watching new episodes of Kim Possible. [Good god, she cries?!] Why yes indeed, she does. I know, right? Dang. And I thought I was a fan.
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Post by Rognik on May 6, 2007 2:33:02 GMT -5
Am I too late for the roast? Oh, it's just starting? Great! I'll set up the firepit if you guys tie her onto the spit. We'll make certain that she's nice and tender before... oh, it's not that kind of roast? Too bad. I think I'm too new to truly contribute something. Ah, well.
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Post by nabusan on May 6, 2007 7:40:17 GMT -5
Yeah, the thread seemed to have died - which is a shame. 'Cause I bet dozens of people would have congratulated ABL if it wasn't for that no posting rule.
I say we have a free for all!
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Post by Ashley Benlove on May 6, 2007 8:53:45 GMT -5
And I had a great reply for the roast that's been on my desktop forever.
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Post by Comrade_Chin on May 6, 2007 9:01:56 GMT -5
Why would we want to roast AshleyBenlove we should be congratulating her.I dont get this thread...Besides she is part of the few original old members since 2004 imagine that.
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Post by Levelord on May 6, 2007 9:12:04 GMT -5
Will there be chicken?
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