Con!

[eoraptor]

www.fanfiction.net/s/4652963/1/

Based on a long-standing story cookie that I've had sitting around... Read and enjoy, and please, keep your pet Quibbles away from Kimmie.

[Donne]

No!!! *runs away from innuendo and obscure pop culture references before her time*

[RedBlueGreen]

I really enjoyed it. Who would have thought Kim was a trekker?(ie? fan?)

Odd, between my reading it and looking at it again, the story has been chopped off and ends in the middle of a sentence.

[eoraptor]

it's all there... but Here ya go...

Con!

By: Eoraptor

AN: A complete oneshot, not tied to any of my stories, and based on a “cookie” I originally posted in KP Slash Haven some time ago. Kim Possible property of Disney, and parodies of Star Trek are mostly mine and fall under fair use.

-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-

She paused, tugging down her faux fur bikini once more, again wishing she’d waited for a nerd with a better costume to steal. She’d seen the green skinned Omicronian and remembered how daddy and Hector used to watch the show, and that no one would question her… exotic… skin color in the outfit of a buxom fur-clad slave woman from the stars.

Once she’d adjusted herself, she checked the heavy weight of the ray gun prototype, making sure it was still in the leather pouch. Honestly, of all the things Drakken had ever sent her to “outsource” this was perhaps the most embarrassing. Leave it to the blue jerk to read about an actual working phizzer to be displayed at a nerd convention in Upperton. At least the Pan-dimensional Vortex Inducer was usually kept at actual research facilities, and not in the middle of a pack of rejects who made Hego with his comic book lust seem positively well adjusted.

Smiling at the idea that she was going to escape this place completely uncontested and unmolested, the disguised woman began to stride across the floor with a little more shake in her hips. After all, it wasn’t often that people looked at her pistachio shaded skin with lust rather than disturbed curiosity, and she could enjoy the attention as she made her exit.

She made it exactly three steps.

“nuqDaq yuch Dapol?”

The thief had no idea what the nonsense sounds meant, but they were barked out fairly forcibly, and directed at her. She turned around and made sure to play her part as a slave to the hilt, keeping her eyes lowered. She eyed a pair of expensively crafted heavy leather boots and black leather pants. Hmmm, they clung to a set of short, but very shapely legs. Familiar legs it seemed.

“I’m sorry… I don’t speak… Klunkin. Master never trained me.” She used her most seductive and saccharine voice as her eyes took in the apparently female nerd.

She got to the head piece and blinked. Beneath the ratty black wig and latex forehead was a set of piercing olive green eyes. They were a little jarring, glaring out from under the dark skin makeup of the short, shapely con-goer.

“I said, ‘only cowards use phizzers,’ Shego.” The prosthetic forehead was yanked away, exposing the normally pale pink skin and crimson hair of Kim Possible beneath. “I didn’t realize you and Drakken had progressed so far in your relationship to play with whips and costumes if you’re calling him Master. So why don’t you put it back, and I might forget that it was you I saw here and we can both get on with our weekends.”

Shego dropped the seductively vapid slave girl act for her trademark cutting smarm, pointedly ignoring the allusions to her boss and their relationship. “Oh? You’d just let me go? Why’s that my little klunkin pumpkin? Got some panel to get to on the care and feeding of your Quibble?”

“Actually it’s a workshop on voice acting hosted by Patrick Tudor himself, invitation only, and I-,” Kim clapped her hands over her mouth, cutting off the babbling as she remembered she was not talking to a fellow fan.

The mint hued woman shook her head softly and chuckled, “Oh I see then… so where did you rent the costume? It’s quality work, and that’s coming from a professional sneak like me.”

The forthcoming answer brought the taller woman up short. Shego stood there, looking more than a little dumbfounded at the words that had just come out of the redhead's mouth. "You... you actually watch Star Tunnel? Bumpy foreheads and all?"

Chewing her bottom lip firmly, Kim looked away, embarrassed at having said she had pointy ears in her dresser for the undercover op. "I um... well you see... It's kinda like... Okay. Yeah... yeah."

"Oh My God! Perfect little Kimmie is a closet Tunneler?! Hahahaha!" Shgo grabbed her sides, doubling over as she watched Kim stew with embarrassment. "Oh god! I'll bet you even have a Jameson Sharpner autographed picture under your pillow!"

"Tunnel fan, and well..."

"Oh lord! You do don't you! Hahahahahaha!" the emerald woman was rolling now, having dropped the Phizzer prototype she was sent to acquire for Doctor Drakken as she guffawed.

"Shut up Shego... Or I might accidentally let slip that little 'Pals' fan club membership a certain someone has." she stamped her foot as she stared at the taller woman, who she'd first simply mistaken for an Omicronian slave girl with a really good makeup job.

The dark woman quickly stopped chuckling and eyed her rival dangerously, "You wouldn't!"

"Try me." She grit her teeth, staring at Shego and crossing her arms over her Klunkin armor plated chest.

Sighing, wiping one last humorous tear out of her eye, Shego sighed and picked up the real ray gun, "So... why? You like the battle'leths or something?"

She’d seen Kim wielding the fantasy blade around for show earlier, but of course, hadn't realized it was Kim doing it. The little redhead was disturbingly good with the huge curved blade, and Shego had taken time out of her heist to pause and admire what she thought was just a fellow martial artist going through showy movements on the convention floor.

"Well, you remember the TV dimension your boss got us trapped in? I was kind of stuck on the S.S. Vengeance when I first got there... Captain Kurt was really hot." the redhead blushed intently, which didn't really make her resemble the fearsome warrior she was dressed as.

"Great... I get Mr. Sitdown, and you travel the galaxy with the hottest man of sixties television! I was always more if a Val Jean fan myself... but I get what you're saying there Pumpkin." She resumed her fighting stance as she faced off against Possible, but then she just stopped, a shocked expression dawning on her face, "Oh Goddess! You didn't... no... No, not the perfect little Princess!?"

"Didn't what"? Kim growled, also taking up her fighting stance. Fortunately, her battle'leth was more than just for show, and she drew it from its mounts on her costume’s back.

"You didn't take the tour of the ship, did you?!" Shego watched as Kim suddenly turned as red as a Boillian, her cheeks actually surpassing the color of her hair as the accusation set in. After all, Captain Kurt was rather notorious, both on the show and in pop culture generally.

When Kim didn't respond immediately with a denial, Shego's jaw fell through the floor. "Holy Shnikies you did!!!!"

She barely had time to dodge the massive curved blade that Kim swung at her head to shut her up.

Some distance away, Ron grinned maniacally as he held up his Kimmunicator. He pushed the record button. Visions of “Klunkin Fury” and “Omicronian Wardrobe Malfunction” danced in his head, and the MeTube hits promised to be epic.

-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-KP-

Authors Notes: Just a silly thing I’ve had for a while, as stated above. Have fun picking out all the little snipes. I was once a devout trekker, before the show started using women with D cup chests in cat suits in lieu of actual plots. But Shego as an Orion Slave Girl; who HASN’T had that idea? And incidentally, what Kimmy said means something other than what she claims, all though the grammar in Klunkin may change things.

[profweird]

“nuqDaq yuch Dapol?” - 'where do you keep the chocolate ?' ALWAYS a good question !
(and if the person asking the question is holding a batl'leth, best to answer ! ;D )

"Only cowards use phizzers" is roughly (AFAICT) : pu'HIch 'lo nuchpu' neH !