Post by eoraptor on May 30, 2009 15:46:59 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]the plot bunny I mentioned in another thread, starting to be realized.
cmnts pls? kthnxbai[/glow]
Kim Possible ©Walt Disney Company 2002-2007, original characters © Eoraptor, fair use laws apply.
Inspired by a user-challenge on KPslashHavenDOTnet (hint, it’s not JUST for slash)
A Flipped Sitch
By Eoraptor
-- -- --
Kim wiggled and stirred a bit, consciousness threatening at the edges of her slumber. It was when she tried to roll over and snuggle into her pillow that she realized something was off. Something was laying across her chest, and that something was roughly the size and shape of a human arm.
The redhead opened her eyes and glanced down nervously… After all, the last thing she remembered was closing her Western Civ text book and going to sleep, alone, in pajamas.
Her glance was met by a long, slender, but toned arm; feminine, and cast in a gothic shade of pale with just a faint undertone of green. It was draped rather possessively across her chest, but unmoving in slumber.
Given that Kim knew of exactly two green women on the face of the Earth, and one was the spokeswoman for the asparagus board in California, this alone would have been enough to send her reeling. It was what lay beneath the malachite arm that put her over the edge into hyperbole, however.
‘Well, this is not the weirdest dream I’ve ever had,’ She thought idly as she rolled over beneath the arm.
And it wasn’t… though it couldn’t be any lower on the list than fourth, maybe third. Beneath the arm of her long time foe, she had expected, been fully prepared to see even, a pink camisole stretched across her bosom. So needless to say that when her eyes reported to her brain not that, but a slightly muscular, bare and masculine chest feathered with curly red hair, the dream state was confirmed.
Kim was just about to close her eyes when they settled on the spine of her abandoned textbook. This tickled the back of her brain, and sent a chill through her. “Western Civilization I, Houghton McMillian Welsh, 7th edition.”
Remembering something her mother had once said about the dream state, Kim swallowed. People couldn’t read things in their dreams, because the language center of the brain was pretty linear, and didn’t work with the subconscious. So why could she read the spine of her textbook?
More discrepancies made themselves apparent to her somnolent brain as this fact solidified. She could feel the warmth of the arm draped over her, and more disturbingly, feel the hair on her body pressing into her skin with its weight. And beneath the sheets, she was rather certain that she and her apparent bedmate were both naked, and that the absence of her female anatomy continued down there.
Breath quickening, Kim felt panic setting in. Nothing was making any sense! For one, it was still night outside. Shouldn’t it be morning already? Another, more pertinent discrepancy; why the heck was Shego in bed with her, naked?
And of course, the most pressing matter of all… ‘Why am I a boy?!’
The redhead leapt from under the sheets, comforter, and arm, and struck a kung fu stance on the floor. Her green eyes darted wildly about, searching for the henchmen, the gadget, the mad scientist; anything to explain this!
In the bed, Shego stirred, and lazily opened her eyes, looking first to the empty spot next to her, and then to the spot on the floor where her bedmate was now standing. A sleepy, seductive grin crept over her lips as she propped herself up on one arm, causing the sheet to fall away a bit. ‘Mmmmm, Prince Charming sure rebounds fast…’
As her eyes swept upwards, she purred faintly, taking in the visage of her slender, well muscled younger lover. She couldn’t get enough of this sight, and even if she were allowed to see it every day, instead of the once-a-month occurrences she was allowed, she would still stare longingly. It wasn’t until her gaze had taken in his entirely bare, poised form and settled on his face that she had pause. A frown slowly settled over her face and she sat up fully, looking around as well for whatever had spooked him.
“Kem? Baby? What’s wrong?” She cocked her head to the side, listening.
No sounds of twerps in the hall, no noises of parents unexpectedly home, no chiming kemmunicator, and no armies of henchmen that she could here milling about outside. Just Kem, his panicked sounding breaths, and the sheets around her rustling as she turned and slid her feet off the bed to sit up.
“Kemmie? Look, I’m sorry, I know it’s a bad idea to fall asleep in your room… but come on, what’s the matter?” Her frown intensified. It wasn’t the first time she had fallen asleep in his arms in the last few months, but no one had caught them, in fact, no one was anywhere near them this time, and it was only the third time… so why was her forbidden lover suddenly pulling the deer-in-the-headlights act?
“She- Shego… What are you doing in m- In my bed?!” Kim tightened her hands into tiger claws and if possible, the stance she struck tensed even more as she breathed through gritted teeth, “What have you done to me?!”
The green villainess’s face blanched, and she suddenly felt she was the one waking to a living nightmare. Her fears of the last six months suddenly realized, the warm dream of her secret relationship with Kem Possible shattered as he seemed to come to his senses about what they were actually doing. Her stomach roiled with a mixture of shock, hurt betrayal, and growing anger. She should have known getting involved with a younger man; no, a boy, was a stupid move, especially one who knew how to work past her shields both literally and figuratively.
A hand clawed tightly in the sheets bound around her chest, forming a fist that rapidly increased in temperature as she glared daggers. Well, breaking up was hard to do, and she was about to make it sure to break him…
“Holy heck I’m naked!” Kim suddenly shrieked, as the state of her undress registered to her conscious mind fully. She moved to cover her breasts and lap, and only a few seconds later did it occur to her that she had less up top to disguise and more down below. “darn it Shego!!”
The minty woman blinked, as though someone had slapped her in the face with a rather large trout. The heat rapidly left her hand as she boggled. Things started clicking in her mind. Kem wasn’t calling her by her name, like he always did when they were alone. And had he just tried to cover his… chest? She watched as Kem scurried awkwardly behind his dressing screen, his olive green eyes watching her the whole time with a bizarre expression.
Rising from the bed, she crossed to the dressing screen as well, standing with it between them, until Kem barked out at her to back off. She walked back to the bed, hurt, and sat down, pulling the sheet about her. Concern replaced the previous mix of feelings as she watched Kem’s feet move behind the screen, “What’s wrong, Tiger? Something’s bad in your head or something…”
Kim rolled her eyes at the false concern and looked around rapidly for something to cover up with. Looking down, she spied her mission gear. As she bent down to reach for it, she reassessed that impression.
Not her mission gear, close, but not quite. She expected to find her black, Kevlar laced Capri’s, the ones with the purple stripe up each leg. Instead, these looked like her old cargos, except in black. More disturbing, sitting atop them was a black nylon athletic supporter, and a black cup with a bright green D inscribed in one corner. She glared through a gap in the dressing screen at Shego, who was looking in her direction, but not right at her at the moment.
Pushing off thoughts of the Shego themed undergarments with the odd wrong letter on them, Kim managed to secure instead a pair of boxers. Black Silk. Again she eyed her room mate, and then reluctantly pulled them on, followed by the pants. A moment’s search for a bra was cut short when she realized it was not required for the time being. She reached for the uniform top, and again noted the differences.
Her top was a bright purple tunic with short sleeves; this was a man’s turtle neck, a darker shade of royal purple, with long sleeves, though like her own second generation gear, it felt woven with Kevlar and nomex, making it heavier than the thin cotton it appeared to be. She pulled it on her altered torso and noted it was tight, forming to her new masculine frame.
Forgoing any of the equipment, gloves, shoes, or socks for the moment, she stepped out from behind the curtain and eyed her nemesis and rival. Shego still sat on the bed, one of her bed sheets wrapped loosely about her. “Now… Explain Shego. Why the heck am I like... This?”
The emerald eyed mercenary looked up, swallowing back her discomfort at the rapidly degenerating situation. Kem’s posture was all wrong, he had his hands fisted on his hips, instead of imperiously across his chest as he usually did. And those hips were canted oddly to one side, a leg held straight as if ready to strike. Shaking off that for the moment, she frowned, shedding the sheet and walking across to her cat suit, pulling it on without regard to undergarments.
“We need to get your head checked out, baby. Come on.”
Kim averted her eyes as Shego just strolled across her room, naked, and started getting dressed. She growled low in her throat at the audacity, and then blinked at Shego’s dictate. “Um… I think my mom can scan my brain thank you very much, thought that’s not the parts I’m worried about.”
She glanced down across her altered body, and wiggled her hips a bit, fighting the wedgie the boxers were generating beneath her cargos. “REALLY not the part’s I’m worried about.”
Shego snorted irritably as she snapped closed the front of her uniform, which Kim noted, was sleeveless now, but otherwise no different than her usual one. “Yeah… because you’re mom would just be thrilled to find her darling little boy got some terrible brain injury while boffing his arch foe.”
Kim had to grip the side of the dressing curtain to steady herself at that. Her free hand rubbed the bridge of her nose and she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. After a moment, “Okay… Leaving aside the complete wrongsickness of that little delusion, why the heck would she even know you were here? You should have bolted already, just like you always do when things go bad.”
Shego gave another hurt look to her lover, and finally sighed. “Because I love you and I never leave your side when you’re hurt, even if I’m the one who hurt you, remember? Even if it means finally admitting to your mommy that you’re screwing around with me. Besides, Doctor D has the brain scanner part of his dream tweak machine disassembled at our hideout right now, and he’s at Mama Lipsky’s for the weekend. You’re mommy have anything that compact?”
Kim had to admit that, the last part, at least, was accurate. A visit to Middleton General would entail hours of CT and PEP scans, and of course, trying to explain to her mother why she was suddenly a boy… and of course, why Shego was tagging along. She knew the warrior woman didn’t make idle threats and would indeed follow her there as promised.
“Grrrr… Fine! But I’ll kick your butt if this is another trap! Or a trap-trap!” Keeping her distance from Shego, she indicated the bedroom door, rather than the chain link ladder she realized was now hanging out her window. “You brought a hoverpod, I imagine?”
“Parked out back, like always,” Shego frowned at the tone of the question, and then shot a nervous look at the ladder. Still, supposedly no one was home for the weekend, so it shouldn’t be a huge risk to walk through Kem’s house.
‘Like always?’ Kim blinked and frowned. Shego stepped out of the room, and the redhead looked around while pulling on her socks and boots. Yeah, boots instead of her sneakers apparently. She also sniffed for the first time, and promptly made an even more horrified face. The bedroom smelled of scented candles which now sat extinguished or burned out on her dresser, and there was a faint undercurrent of something else.
She fled the room as quickly as she could and ran into Shego, who gripped her shoulders to keep them both upright. She noted that this altered body was slightly taller; she was almost at eye level with the thief.
“Gah, let go!” She forced herself out of Shego’s grasp and scowled fiercely. Storming past the green villainess, Kim descended into the darkened house. She checked in the darkness, as they passed through the living room, and noted it was undisturbed, no signs of henchmen or a fight.
Outside the house, Kim tapped her now booted foot and waited impatiently for Shego to step out as well. “Well, let’s go already… I’d like to get this sorted out.”
“Get what sorted out?! Geeze Pumpkin, what the heck is wrong?!”
“Let’s see, I went to bed, alone, in my pajamas like three hours ago… and woke up naked, next to you. And oh, yeah… When I went to bed, I WAS A WOMAN!” She threw her arms in the air in exasperation, panting faintly. “What the heck do you think is wrong?!”
“…” Shego just stared at him in the street light. Then she grabbed his wrist and started yanking him around the house to the hoverpod. “Inside. Now. I’m not a lesbian, and I don’t intend to become one. And neither are you for that matter.”
- - - - -
As they flew towards Drakken’s latest mountain top lair, Shego kept glancing at her paramour, frowning and chewing her lip. He thought he was a girl? He was spending too much time around Stoppable and Monique for his own good. Boy needed more male friends. But more importantly, she needed to find out what was going on. This was not a joke; Kem’s behavior was too off for it to be some ploy to dump his larcenous girlfriend.
Once they landed, both tensely exited the pod and looked around before entering the lair. Shego caught Kem looking around a bit more nervously and sighed. “Don’t worry; little boy blue is at his mom’s all weekend. Why do you think I was able to come over. I swear we never get to spend any normal time together…”
“Of course not. You’re my arch foe, why the heck would we spend time together at all, Shego?” Kim snorted irritably.
Shego growled deeply in her throat and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Would you stop calling me that!? I never thought I would grow to hate that particular name, ya know.”
“What the heck am I supposed to call you then?” the redhead scowled as she moved deeper into the time share hideout. “…aside from most wanted felon that is.”
“How about Debbie? It is my name you know. The one you always call me when you don’t have to pretend…”
“Pretend? Debbie?”
“Gah! Yes! Debbie! Debbie Horowitz! My Name! The one that only you and my brothers know! The one I told you to call me when we’re alone because you’re the only one allowed to u-,” Shego blew out an exasperated breath and rolled her shoulders, “You know what, Prince Charming, just sit down. I want you back to normal so that we can just get back to our weekend together. And on Monday, I’m going to figure out who screwed with your head and give them the mother of all plasma enemas.”
Kim was of two minds of this. On the one hand, this was probably the most bizarre sitch she’d found herself in to date; and Shego, for all her odd behavior, was still decidedly snarky old Shego. Why the heck should she trust Shego, who despite being in her house again was decidedly not pulling a Miss Go this time, to strap her to anything?
On the other hand, Shego had a point earlier. She had the equipment, and more importantly, she could do it on the QT, giving Kim time to figure out what was going on without alerting her friends or parents. Maybe she could sort this out on her own, and no one would ever need to know she had woken up with… the wrong anatomy, again.
Reluctantly, the redhead moved and lay down in the dentist-style chair. A moment later, chewing her lower lip, Shego approached, holding a helmet that looked like a cross between Jack Hench’s Attitudinator and a food processor; which, as it turned out, was largely what it consisted of.
“All right Tiger, normal brain scan rules apply; don’t move, don’t sneeze, and if you notice any tingling, burning, itching, watery eyes, diarrhea, or flue like symptoms, well tough crap.” She rolled her eyes and swept a gloved hand raggedly through her hair.
Kim found herself strangely comforted by the snark, and took a slow breath, laying her head back as she heard Shego move away to some terminal. As she heard typing and the occasional epithet against technology, the transmuted teen heroine tried to take stock of the few facts at her disposal.
Shego was naked, in bed, with me, and asleep. The sleeping at least was not an act, even if the nakedness and casual attitude was.
I’m suddenly possessed of male anatomy. And the wardrobe to go with it
Shego wants to claim I have always been this way.
She told me her name. One that’s way too embarrassing for her to have made up. And claims I already knew it.
She has a new uniform.
And someone, maybe me, let her in with the fire escape ladder.
‘Andddddddddd… that’s about it.’ She sighed internally. It was really not a lot at all to go on. She’d never known Shego to go in for subterfuge or misdirection; but then again, before New Mexico, she’d have thought the same of Drakken. Kim tried not to roll her eyes, lest she disrupt whatever scan Shego was doing.
After what seemed like an eternity for both parties, Shego came back and removed the scanner helmet from Kem’s head. She tutted and looked from her lover to the display, and then back. “I don’t claim to be any great medical mind, but the scanner says your brain is working normally.”
“Well, at least something around here is…” Kim shied away from the touch of Shego’s hand towards her cheek and scowled. She looked to the screen as she sat up, and scowled. While she might have slightly more knowledge on what a normal brain scan should look like, she too was at a loss, “It’s the rest of me I’m worried about, Shego.”
Trying to ignore the hurt look caught in her nemesis’ eyes, she got to her feet. “Don’t come to my house again. I never loved you, and I don’t want you around my family, got it?!”
The malachite mercenary fell back into the exam chair, stunned. Kem may just as well have thrown her off Bueno Nacho tower, again.
- - - - -
Kim climbed back up the fire escape ladder once she got back to her house. Thankfully, her new body was in as good shape as her real one, as confusing as that mental estimation was. So between hanging on to the back of a bread truck and a lot of jogging, it only took her an hour to do what the hover pod had done in fifteen minutes. Thank goodness for locationally convenient foes.
Which unfortunately left her an hour to think about what the heck was up with this freaky sitch.
It didn’t help any, given her limited info. And since the sun was beginning to lighten the sky as she scrambled into her bedroom, sleep was out of the question. She’d been hoping she could go back to sleep, and wake to find this was all a freaky dream, or at the least she was some kind of wereboy and only changed into a male in the light of the first quarter moon or something.
The problem was, that explanation left Shego to account for. Kim really didn’t like inflicting personal attacks on her nemesis, limiting herself to snarky comments about fashion or dating; but she needed space to think, and the way Shego was hovering over her, well, that wasn’t going to happen. So she’d had to dredge up the most hurtful thing she could think of to distract the emerald merc.
With a sigh, the redhead pulled in the chain link ladder and stowed it in the box provided. Honestly, she wondered what her parents were thinking; her bedroom was only fifteen feet from the ground… She could easily jump that distance faster than she could deploy an emergency ladder should the house really catch fire or collapse in an earthquake or something.
‘…but back to matters at hand. What in the world could change me to a boy, plus my wardrobe, and make Shego think it had always been that way? Those seem like two random angles, even for my villains.’ As Kim latched the box closed, she stood up, stretching her back. When she did, her eyes settled on the far wall and she blinked in consternation.
Where the heck was her O’boyz poster?
As pink sunrise gradually illuminated her window, she was confronted by an autographed Britina poster. The infamous one of the blonde pop star in her gemstone bikini, the one that had been the object of one of Kim’s first real missions.
“Kem, thanks for the save Cutie! Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me, (heart) Britt.”
Her breathing quickening, Kim spun around. Aside from the romantic paraphernalia from whatever Shego had been up to in her bed, there were other changes to her room. More posters switched out, so many of them flipped from what she expected. My Little Plushies replaced by Transfigures robots, Emilio Rabetti replaced by Danica Fitzpatrick racing team, and others. Well, her MC Honey poster was still intact… until she read the autograph on it. It read much like the Britina one, a vaguely alluring invite instead of the effusive thanks that should be there.
Turning to face her disturbed bed, the teen hero found her nightstand host to an alien entity. Where there should have been soft, care worn Pandaroo, a G.I. Guy action figure now stood guard over her bed. And if she remembered anything from the tweebs small collection, this one was akin to her Pandaroo, rare, but not obscenely so.
“Okay, the clothes I could buy as having been changed with me… but all my stuff? This is way too weird. Better call Wade.” Kim reached for the Kimmunicator, and frowned, stopping mid-grab.
For one thing, it wasn’t the new wrist style one that came with her new clothes. It was the older model based on a hand held video game. That was not the unusual part though, unlike hers, it was branded. In chromed letters across the top, it read “Kemmunicator 2.”
‘Okay okay… maybe some water, some aspirin, and a breather before Wade… but first…' Kim made quick work of sweeping away all the scented candles, directly into her waste basket. The bed sheets, which she now realized were powder blue instead of rose pink, were ripped away next, with the redhead pointedly ignoring the… evidence. That was shut out of her mind hard and fast.
Room stripped of any evidence of Shego’s apparently staged liaison, and her head spinning worse than ever, Kim made her way downstairs. ‘Okay, Kitchen seems normal…’
Indeed, in the dawn light, the fridge was still covered with the Tweeb’s blueprints from MHS autoshop, the well-used coffee machine lived in its little nook on the counter, and the recycle bin was full of daddy’s newspapers, antiquated as they were. A quick glance showed the dates to be in line with what she knew, and the headlines not out of the ordinary.
As she drank her water and looked again at the refrigerator, however, she frowned. The certificate which said Kim Possible was never again allowed into the kitchens at Middleton High Home Ec now read “Your son Kember,” not “Your daughter Kimberly.”
“What the heck kind of name is Kember, anyway?” Kim muttered to herself, her resolve about this sitch only involving her rapidly fading away.
Making her way into the living room, Kim moaned out with resignation. The picture on the mantle showed her parents, James and Anne Possible all right… but it also showed a red haired boy a few years younger than herself, and a pair of mosey looking brunette twin girls. Scowling with growing dissatisfaction, Kim looked down at the newspaper still in her hand, and gasped. On the lower half of the front page, which had been folded underneath before, was “Kem Possible and partner stop rampaging robots” under a picture of what must be her male self, and, well… it was Ron… as a girl… During the whole Smartymart debacle.
“Oh Boy….”
cmnts pls? kthnxbai[/glow]
Kim Possible ©Walt Disney Company 2002-2007, original characters © Eoraptor, fair use laws apply.
Inspired by a user-challenge on KPslashHavenDOTnet (hint, it’s not JUST for slash)
A Flipped Sitch
By Eoraptor
-- -- --
Kim wiggled and stirred a bit, consciousness threatening at the edges of her slumber. It was when she tried to roll over and snuggle into her pillow that she realized something was off. Something was laying across her chest, and that something was roughly the size and shape of a human arm.
The redhead opened her eyes and glanced down nervously… After all, the last thing she remembered was closing her Western Civ text book and going to sleep, alone, in pajamas.
Her glance was met by a long, slender, but toned arm; feminine, and cast in a gothic shade of pale with just a faint undertone of green. It was draped rather possessively across her chest, but unmoving in slumber.
Given that Kim knew of exactly two green women on the face of the Earth, and one was the spokeswoman for the asparagus board in California, this alone would have been enough to send her reeling. It was what lay beneath the malachite arm that put her over the edge into hyperbole, however.
‘Well, this is not the weirdest dream I’ve ever had,’ She thought idly as she rolled over beneath the arm.
And it wasn’t… though it couldn’t be any lower on the list than fourth, maybe third. Beneath the arm of her long time foe, she had expected, been fully prepared to see even, a pink camisole stretched across her bosom. So needless to say that when her eyes reported to her brain not that, but a slightly muscular, bare and masculine chest feathered with curly red hair, the dream state was confirmed.
Kim was just about to close her eyes when they settled on the spine of her abandoned textbook. This tickled the back of her brain, and sent a chill through her. “Western Civilization I, Houghton McMillian Welsh, 7th edition.”
Remembering something her mother had once said about the dream state, Kim swallowed. People couldn’t read things in their dreams, because the language center of the brain was pretty linear, and didn’t work with the subconscious. So why could she read the spine of her textbook?
More discrepancies made themselves apparent to her somnolent brain as this fact solidified. She could feel the warmth of the arm draped over her, and more disturbingly, feel the hair on her body pressing into her skin with its weight. And beneath the sheets, she was rather certain that she and her apparent bedmate were both naked, and that the absence of her female anatomy continued down there.
Breath quickening, Kim felt panic setting in. Nothing was making any sense! For one, it was still night outside. Shouldn’t it be morning already? Another, more pertinent discrepancy; why the heck was Shego in bed with her, naked?
And of course, the most pressing matter of all… ‘Why am I a boy?!’
The redhead leapt from under the sheets, comforter, and arm, and struck a kung fu stance on the floor. Her green eyes darted wildly about, searching for the henchmen, the gadget, the mad scientist; anything to explain this!
In the bed, Shego stirred, and lazily opened her eyes, looking first to the empty spot next to her, and then to the spot on the floor where her bedmate was now standing. A sleepy, seductive grin crept over her lips as she propped herself up on one arm, causing the sheet to fall away a bit. ‘Mmmmm, Prince Charming sure rebounds fast…’
As her eyes swept upwards, she purred faintly, taking in the visage of her slender, well muscled younger lover. She couldn’t get enough of this sight, and even if she were allowed to see it every day, instead of the once-a-month occurrences she was allowed, she would still stare longingly. It wasn’t until her gaze had taken in his entirely bare, poised form and settled on his face that she had pause. A frown slowly settled over her face and she sat up fully, looking around as well for whatever had spooked him.
“Kem? Baby? What’s wrong?” She cocked her head to the side, listening.
No sounds of twerps in the hall, no noises of parents unexpectedly home, no chiming kemmunicator, and no armies of henchmen that she could here milling about outside. Just Kem, his panicked sounding breaths, and the sheets around her rustling as she turned and slid her feet off the bed to sit up.
“Kemmie? Look, I’m sorry, I know it’s a bad idea to fall asleep in your room… but come on, what’s the matter?” Her frown intensified. It wasn’t the first time she had fallen asleep in his arms in the last few months, but no one had caught them, in fact, no one was anywhere near them this time, and it was only the third time… so why was her forbidden lover suddenly pulling the deer-in-the-headlights act?
“She- Shego… What are you doing in m- In my bed?!” Kim tightened her hands into tiger claws and if possible, the stance she struck tensed even more as she breathed through gritted teeth, “What have you done to me?!”
The green villainess’s face blanched, and she suddenly felt she was the one waking to a living nightmare. Her fears of the last six months suddenly realized, the warm dream of her secret relationship with Kem Possible shattered as he seemed to come to his senses about what they were actually doing. Her stomach roiled with a mixture of shock, hurt betrayal, and growing anger. She should have known getting involved with a younger man; no, a boy, was a stupid move, especially one who knew how to work past her shields both literally and figuratively.
A hand clawed tightly in the sheets bound around her chest, forming a fist that rapidly increased in temperature as she glared daggers. Well, breaking up was hard to do, and she was about to make it sure to break him…
“Holy heck I’m naked!” Kim suddenly shrieked, as the state of her undress registered to her conscious mind fully. She moved to cover her breasts and lap, and only a few seconds later did it occur to her that she had less up top to disguise and more down below. “darn it Shego!!”
The minty woman blinked, as though someone had slapped her in the face with a rather large trout. The heat rapidly left her hand as she boggled. Things started clicking in her mind. Kem wasn’t calling her by her name, like he always did when they were alone. And had he just tried to cover his… chest? She watched as Kem scurried awkwardly behind his dressing screen, his olive green eyes watching her the whole time with a bizarre expression.
Rising from the bed, she crossed to the dressing screen as well, standing with it between them, until Kem barked out at her to back off. She walked back to the bed, hurt, and sat down, pulling the sheet about her. Concern replaced the previous mix of feelings as she watched Kem’s feet move behind the screen, “What’s wrong, Tiger? Something’s bad in your head or something…”
Kim rolled her eyes at the false concern and looked around rapidly for something to cover up with. Looking down, she spied her mission gear. As she bent down to reach for it, she reassessed that impression.
Not her mission gear, close, but not quite. She expected to find her black, Kevlar laced Capri’s, the ones with the purple stripe up each leg. Instead, these looked like her old cargos, except in black. More disturbing, sitting atop them was a black nylon athletic supporter, and a black cup with a bright green D inscribed in one corner. She glared through a gap in the dressing screen at Shego, who was looking in her direction, but not right at her at the moment.
Pushing off thoughts of the Shego themed undergarments with the odd wrong letter on them, Kim managed to secure instead a pair of boxers. Black Silk. Again she eyed her room mate, and then reluctantly pulled them on, followed by the pants. A moment’s search for a bra was cut short when she realized it was not required for the time being. She reached for the uniform top, and again noted the differences.
Her top was a bright purple tunic with short sleeves; this was a man’s turtle neck, a darker shade of royal purple, with long sleeves, though like her own second generation gear, it felt woven with Kevlar and nomex, making it heavier than the thin cotton it appeared to be. She pulled it on her altered torso and noted it was tight, forming to her new masculine frame.
Forgoing any of the equipment, gloves, shoes, or socks for the moment, she stepped out from behind the curtain and eyed her nemesis and rival. Shego still sat on the bed, one of her bed sheets wrapped loosely about her. “Now… Explain Shego. Why the heck am I like... This?”
The emerald eyed mercenary looked up, swallowing back her discomfort at the rapidly degenerating situation. Kem’s posture was all wrong, he had his hands fisted on his hips, instead of imperiously across his chest as he usually did. And those hips were canted oddly to one side, a leg held straight as if ready to strike. Shaking off that for the moment, she frowned, shedding the sheet and walking across to her cat suit, pulling it on without regard to undergarments.
“We need to get your head checked out, baby. Come on.”
Kim averted her eyes as Shego just strolled across her room, naked, and started getting dressed. She growled low in her throat at the audacity, and then blinked at Shego’s dictate. “Um… I think my mom can scan my brain thank you very much, thought that’s not the parts I’m worried about.”
She glanced down across her altered body, and wiggled her hips a bit, fighting the wedgie the boxers were generating beneath her cargos. “REALLY not the part’s I’m worried about.”
Shego snorted irritably as she snapped closed the front of her uniform, which Kim noted, was sleeveless now, but otherwise no different than her usual one. “Yeah… because you’re mom would just be thrilled to find her darling little boy got some terrible brain injury while boffing his arch foe.”
Kim had to grip the side of the dressing curtain to steady herself at that. Her free hand rubbed the bridge of her nose and she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. After a moment, “Okay… Leaving aside the complete wrongsickness of that little delusion, why the heck would she even know you were here? You should have bolted already, just like you always do when things go bad.”
Shego gave another hurt look to her lover, and finally sighed. “Because I love you and I never leave your side when you’re hurt, even if I’m the one who hurt you, remember? Even if it means finally admitting to your mommy that you’re screwing around with me. Besides, Doctor D has the brain scanner part of his dream tweak machine disassembled at our hideout right now, and he’s at Mama Lipsky’s for the weekend. You’re mommy have anything that compact?”
Kim had to admit that, the last part, at least, was accurate. A visit to Middleton General would entail hours of CT and PEP scans, and of course, trying to explain to her mother why she was suddenly a boy… and of course, why Shego was tagging along. She knew the warrior woman didn’t make idle threats and would indeed follow her there as promised.
“Grrrr… Fine! But I’ll kick your butt if this is another trap! Or a trap-trap!” Keeping her distance from Shego, she indicated the bedroom door, rather than the chain link ladder she realized was now hanging out her window. “You brought a hoverpod, I imagine?”
“Parked out back, like always,” Shego frowned at the tone of the question, and then shot a nervous look at the ladder. Still, supposedly no one was home for the weekend, so it shouldn’t be a huge risk to walk through Kem’s house.
‘Like always?’ Kim blinked and frowned. Shego stepped out of the room, and the redhead looked around while pulling on her socks and boots. Yeah, boots instead of her sneakers apparently. She also sniffed for the first time, and promptly made an even more horrified face. The bedroom smelled of scented candles which now sat extinguished or burned out on her dresser, and there was a faint undercurrent of something else.
She fled the room as quickly as she could and ran into Shego, who gripped her shoulders to keep them both upright. She noted that this altered body was slightly taller; she was almost at eye level with the thief.
“Gah, let go!” She forced herself out of Shego’s grasp and scowled fiercely. Storming past the green villainess, Kim descended into the darkened house. She checked in the darkness, as they passed through the living room, and noted it was undisturbed, no signs of henchmen or a fight.
Outside the house, Kim tapped her now booted foot and waited impatiently for Shego to step out as well. “Well, let’s go already… I’d like to get this sorted out.”
“Get what sorted out?! Geeze Pumpkin, what the heck is wrong?!”
“Let’s see, I went to bed, alone, in my pajamas like three hours ago… and woke up naked, next to you. And oh, yeah… When I went to bed, I WAS A WOMAN!” She threw her arms in the air in exasperation, panting faintly. “What the heck do you think is wrong?!”
“…” Shego just stared at him in the street light. Then she grabbed his wrist and started yanking him around the house to the hoverpod. “Inside. Now. I’m not a lesbian, and I don’t intend to become one. And neither are you for that matter.”
- - - - -
As they flew towards Drakken’s latest mountain top lair, Shego kept glancing at her paramour, frowning and chewing her lip. He thought he was a girl? He was spending too much time around Stoppable and Monique for his own good. Boy needed more male friends. But more importantly, she needed to find out what was going on. This was not a joke; Kem’s behavior was too off for it to be some ploy to dump his larcenous girlfriend.
Once they landed, both tensely exited the pod and looked around before entering the lair. Shego caught Kem looking around a bit more nervously and sighed. “Don’t worry; little boy blue is at his mom’s all weekend. Why do you think I was able to come over. I swear we never get to spend any normal time together…”
“Of course not. You’re my arch foe, why the heck would we spend time together at all, Shego?” Kim snorted irritably.
Shego growled deeply in her throat and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Would you stop calling me that!? I never thought I would grow to hate that particular name, ya know.”
“What the heck am I supposed to call you then?” the redhead scowled as she moved deeper into the time share hideout. “…aside from most wanted felon that is.”
“How about Debbie? It is my name you know. The one you always call me when you don’t have to pretend…”
“Pretend? Debbie?”
“Gah! Yes! Debbie! Debbie Horowitz! My Name! The one that only you and my brothers know! The one I told you to call me when we’re alone because you’re the only one allowed to u-,” Shego blew out an exasperated breath and rolled her shoulders, “You know what, Prince Charming, just sit down. I want you back to normal so that we can just get back to our weekend together. And on Monday, I’m going to figure out who screwed with your head and give them the mother of all plasma enemas.”
Kim was of two minds of this. On the one hand, this was probably the most bizarre sitch she’d found herself in to date; and Shego, for all her odd behavior, was still decidedly snarky old Shego. Why the heck should she trust Shego, who despite being in her house again was decidedly not pulling a Miss Go this time, to strap her to anything?
On the other hand, Shego had a point earlier. She had the equipment, and more importantly, she could do it on the QT, giving Kim time to figure out what was going on without alerting her friends or parents. Maybe she could sort this out on her own, and no one would ever need to know she had woken up with… the wrong anatomy, again.
Reluctantly, the redhead moved and lay down in the dentist-style chair. A moment later, chewing her lower lip, Shego approached, holding a helmet that looked like a cross between Jack Hench’s Attitudinator and a food processor; which, as it turned out, was largely what it consisted of.
“All right Tiger, normal brain scan rules apply; don’t move, don’t sneeze, and if you notice any tingling, burning, itching, watery eyes, diarrhea, or flue like symptoms, well tough crap.” She rolled her eyes and swept a gloved hand raggedly through her hair.
Kim found herself strangely comforted by the snark, and took a slow breath, laying her head back as she heard Shego move away to some terminal. As she heard typing and the occasional epithet against technology, the transmuted teen heroine tried to take stock of the few facts at her disposal.
Shego was naked, in bed, with me, and asleep. The sleeping at least was not an act, even if the nakedness and casual attitude was.
I’m suddenly possessed of male anatomy. And the wardrobe to go with it
Shego wants to claim I have always been this way.
She told me her name. One that’s way too embarrassing for her to have made up. And claims I already knew it.
She has a new uniform.
And someone, maybe me, let her in with the fire escape ladder.
‘Andddddddddd… that’s about it.’ She sighed internally. It was really not a lot at all to go on. She’d never known Shego to go in for subterfuge or misdirection; but then again, before New Mexico, she’d have thought the same of Drakken. Kim tried not to roll her eyes, lest she disrupt whatever scan Shego was doing.
After what seemed like an eternity for both parties, Shego came back and removed the scanner helmet from Kem’s head. She tutted and looked from her lover to the display, and then back. “I don’t claim to be any great medical mind, but the scanner says your brain is working normally.”
“Well, at least something around here is…” Kim shied away from the touch of Shego’s hand towards her cheek and scowled. She looked to the screen as she sat up, and scowled. While she might have slightly more knowledge on what a normal brain scan should look like, she too was at a loss, “It’s the rest of me I’m worried about, Shego.”
Trying to ignore the hurt look caught in her nemesis’ eyes, she got to her feet. “Don’t come to my house again. I never loved you, and I don’t want you around my family, got it?!”
The malachite mercenary fell back into the exam chair, stunned. Kem may just as well have thrown her off Bueno Nacho tower, again.
- - - - -
Kim climbed back up the fire escape ladder once she got back to her house. Thankfully, her new body was in as good shape as her real one, as confusing as that mental estimation was. So between hanging on to the back of a bread truck and a lot of jogging, it only took her an hour to do what the hover pod had done in fifteen minutes. Thank goodness for locationally convenient foes.
Which unfortunately left her an hour to think about what the heck was up with this freaky sitch.
It didn’t help any, given her limited info. And since the sun was beginning to lighten the sky as she scrambled into her bedroom, sleep was out of the question. She’d been hoping she could go back to sleep, and wake to find this was all a freaky dream, or at the least she was some kind of wereboy and only changed into a male in the light of the first quarter moon or something.
The problem was, that explanation left Shego to account for. Kim really didn’t like inflicting personal attacks on her nemesis, limiting herself to snarky comments about fashion or dating; but she needed space to think, and the way Shego was hovering over her, well, that wasn’t going to happen. So she’d had to dredge up the most hurtful thing she could think of to distract the emerald merc.
With a sigh, the redhead pulled in the chain link ladder and stowed it in the box provided. Honestly, she wondered what her parents were thinking; her bedroom was only fifteen feet from the ground… She could easily jump that distance faster than she could deploy an emergency ladder should the house really catch fire or collapse in an earthquake or something.
‘…but back to matters at hand. What in the world could change me to a boy, plus my wardrobe, and make Shego think it had always been that way? Those seem like two random angles, even for my villains.’ As Kim latched the box closed, she stood up, stretching her back. When she did, her eyes settled on the far wall and she blinked in consternation.
Where the heck was her O’boyz poster?
As pink sunrise gradually illuminated her window, she was confronted by an autographed Britina poster. The infamous one of the blonde pop star in her gemstone bikini, the one that had been the object of one of Kim’s first real missions.
“Kem, thanks for the save Cutie! Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me, (heart) Britt.”
Her breathing quickening, Kim spun around. Aside from the romantic paraphernalia from whatever Shego had been up to in her bed, there were other changes to her room. More posters switched out, so many of them flipped from what she expected. My Little Plushies replaced by Transfigures robots, Emilio Rabetti replaced by Danica Fitzpatrick racing team, and others. Well, her MC Honey poster was still intact… until she read the autograph on it. It read much like the Britina one, a vaguely alluring invite instead of the effusive thanks that should be there.
Turning to face her disturbed bed, the teen hero found her nightstand host to an alien entity. Where there should have been soft, care worn Pandaroo, a G.I. Guy action figure now stood guard over her bed. And if she remembered anything from the tweebs small collection, this one was akin to her Pandaroo, rare, but not obscenely so.
“Okay, the clothes I could buy as having been changed with me… but all my stuff? This is way too weird. Better call Wade.” Kim reached for the Kimmunicator, and frowned, stopping mid-grab.
For one thing, it wasn’t the new wrist style one that came with her new clothes. It was the older model based on a hand held video game. That was not the unusual part though, unlike hers, it was branded. In chromed letters across the top, it read “Kemmunicator 2.”
‘Okay okay… maybe some water, some aspirin, and a breather before Wade… but first…' Kim made quick work of sweeping away all the scented candles, directly into her waste basket. The bed sheets, which she now realized were powder blue instead of rose pink, were ripped away next, with the redhead pointedly ignoring the… evidence. That was shut out of her mind hard and fast.
Room stripped of any evidence of Shego’s apparently staged liaison, and her head spinning worse than ever, Kim made her way downstairs. ‘Okay, Kitchen seems normal…’
Indeed, in the dawn light, the fridge was still covered with the Tweeb’s blueprints from MHS autoshop, the well-used coffee machine lived in its little nook on the counter, and the recycle bin was full of daddy’s newspapers, antiquated as they were. A quick glance showed the dates to be in line with what she knew, and the headlines not out of the ordinary.
As she drank her water and looked again at the refrigerator, however, she frowned. The certificate which said Kim Possible was never again allowed into the kitchens at Middleton High Home Ec now read “Your son Kember,” not “Your daughter Kimberly.”
“What the heck kind of name is Kember, anyway?” Kim muttered to herself, her resolve about this sitch only involving her rapidly fading away.
Making her way into the living room, Kim moaned out with resignation. The picture on the mantle showed her parents, James and Anne Possible all right… but it also showed a red haired boy a few years younger than herself, and a pair of mosey looking brunette twin girls. Scowling with growing dissatisfaction, Kim looked down at the newspaper still in her hand, and gasped. On the lower half of the front page, which had been folded underneath before, was “Kem Possible and partner stop rampaging robots” under a picture of what must be her male self, and, well… it was Ron… as a girl… During the whole Smartymart debacle.
“Oh Boy….”
no, and no.
(but I am going to try to steer clear of the Debbie Does ___ jokes)