Friend Came Out. Now What?

[Loser7]

This message was deleted by the original poster.

[mike]

Real friends are known in times of great trouble

---- treat her(or he) the same way and try to make her(or him) not feel like an outcast. In fact talk to the guy about these things... that should relief her(or him) of her(or his) trouble.

/* sorry about the "or" but homosexuals gives me pronoun pain */

Oh and another thing talk about pronouns.... trust me it makes you feel better ;D

[jinxs]

Probably Deal Her(Him) same way as usually

Dont do/treat like Kim said/did things to Felix in Motor Ed

[wussycat]

Just treat her the same way you always have.

I don't see what the problem is. Are you worried she might come on to you?

[mike]

wussycat said:

Are you worried she might come on to you?

Now that's something you should really really talk to him.... I mean her about...

/* pronoun pain */

[Loser7]

wussycat said:

Just treat her the same way you always have.

I don't see what the problem is. Are you worried she might come on to you?

It's a she, for the record, and I'm not worried she'll come onto me. I'd just tell her I didn't feel that way about her, and she'd understand.

I just want to make sure I treat her right. I just wanted advice from people who've experiened this scenario. I just want to be as sympathetic as possible, and treat her like I always have.

I've just always been like Kim was to Felix in uncomfortable situations. I say the exactly wrong thing, and I just want to nip it all in the butt.

I'm just concerned about being careless cos I often am very inappropriate with my humor and now I'm afraid I might say something that sounds bad, and will be taken the wrong way. I guess I'm just a worrier in these types of situations. I just hate to hurt peoples feelings.

[nabusan]

If your friend can appreciate your humor, then I'm sure she won't mind For most people, it's kind of awkward knowing a person for so long, and suddenly learning about a new side to them. It's a little different from making a new friend, and knowing that they're Gay the moment you meet them.

God, I came out to my friends sooooooo long ago that I don't even remember most of how it happened. They probably already knew, actually. I was always ridiculously camp. ;D

So yeah, I was 12 years old - and I randomly made a comment about a hot older guy sitting across the cafeteria at school. My best friends didn't even need to ask the 'So...you're gay?' question - we just continued talking as normal ;D

Looking back, I wonder if they thought I was just making an eccentric comment, or that I was comin' out to them. Personally, I didn't even realize I was coming out to them It just kinda...slipped out...not that I was hiding it from them or anything, it had just never come up ^^

At that age, I didn't even see what the big problem was with liking guys. I was like, totally innocent to the world and its prejudices against homosexuality. I literally hadn't given it a second thought, and neither had my friends. So as we grew up, they didn't even need to 'get used to' me liking guys, it just seemed natural to them and me. I'm fortunate in that there was never any awkwardness. When it became apparant to my class that I was Gay, I got one or two 'Oh my gawd, you f**!' comments. Thankfully the school punishment system dealt with any such comments swiftly. And then when I turned 15, being Gay suddenly became 'cool', 'unique' and 'rebellious'. I didn't like the image, but it did have its perks ^^

[Fusion Fox]

Nabu, that was the best story ever... made me smile ;D

Sounds like you had/have good friends.

[nabusan]

Aww, yeah - they're the best

It's like, so hard to find good BFF's, but those two were/are AMAZING.

[Baroque]

I think as long as you don't point a finger at her, your mouth wide open and with fear in your eyes...you should be fine. I mean, what has changed?

[Jersey7]

maybe try hanging out with her more than she will feel more comfortable with you. but i don't really know about humor. the only thing i know is that everybody has there own sense of humor. maybe say something that would make her laugh instead of innapropriate humor. she would prolly feel uncomfortable.

[j]

I recently went through a similar experience. Remember that you don't think any more or any less about that person. The two of you are friends; no matter what.

Remember in conversation about the sitch they are in. No gay jokes. No off hand remarks about how good looking some guy or girl they might be interested in. Don't mention or hint his or her sexuality to others; they may be uncomfortable with it. Realize there are people who do not like or even hate people for being gay.

Everything else should still be the same.

[Loser7]

Thanks for all the advice and wisdom-iness (btw, Nabu, I liked your coming out story, it was cute :D). I'm about to have lunch with her right now, and I feel much more confident about being cool, and not acting strange.

Thanks alot :D

[Whisper from the Shadows]

My best friend was having a bit of an identity crisis a couple years back and was (in her words) "confused". She found herself attracted to other females, and it was weird for her. We were both brought up fairly conservative about this type of thing, so she at first thought there was something wrong with her (another story for another thread). But once she (again in her own words) "straightened out things in her life" we were talking and she told me thanks. When I asked her what for, she said that she needed someone who wouldn't lecture her on her 'evil ways' and would just be a friend and treat her just like always.

Moral of the story, she's still you friend that you've known for however many years, still the same person, just admitting that they have a different preference than you do. Like Baroque said, "What has changed?"



If she can take a joke, just remind her that this just means less competition for you.

[The Yetimonster]

A friend of mine came out 5 years ago. I never treated him any differently. Worked so far.

[Naked Mole Rat]

Sounds like youve known her a while, so you probably know how to talk to her already.
Things might be a tad tentative at first, no matter how good friends you are .. just as you find out how much she wants to talk to you ..I am guessing this may well be as much a journey for her as it is you.
Take my best mate when I came out .... it was absolutley no surprise to him at all, made no difference to our friendship, but we both had to find our feet at levels of acceptingness (if that is even a word .. ooh Tolerance .. yeah, tolerance is perhaps better). Like, at first, it was just a little hard for him to hear me using teh term 'boyfriend' .. not becuase he has a problem with gay people, it was just odd hearing me say it at first - is this making any sense?
Now, 15 years on, we barely even think about it.
I lot of my friends use, what woudl be seen by others as dergoatory terms in an affectionate way. EG - My friend Sue always calls me Queenie and will often call me a daft poof or something and I love her all the more for it. That probably sounds odd, but I have always found intent to be more hurtful that any word ... sticks n stones and all that.

[nabusan]

God 'tolerance', I hate that word ^^

And lol, if a friend refers to me in a derogatory term light-heartedly - then I don't care much either. I get my own back by calling them my 'b****' or 'f** hag'

[Ashley Benlove]

I'm basically a f-- hag, myself, but I would NEVER say the word.

And honestly, if a friend came out to me, I would treat them the same. It wouldn't matter to me. Just treat her the same as you always do. Act like it's not a big deal.

[shegofanatic]

a family member of mine came out and truthfully i found it fine. Plus after the info sank in i was thinking "I totally knew it! So many hints" But, i think if you told her your fine with it and you support her actions and you'll be there for her when it gets tough. You supporting her probably be fine

[nabusan]

Friends are easy to come out to ;D It's the family she'll be worried about ^^