Love can be embarssing

[kimandronfan]

Heres chapter 1 the date:

It was the night after the prom, and the night of the prom Kim and Ron fell for each other. And the night after they fell for each other Kim and Ron were on their first date. They've been best friends since pre-k! On that date Ron took Kim to... not not Bueno Nacho but a very elegant and romantic place, The Bermuda Triangle. Kim was very pleased on where Ron took her. They were very happy together. The night was very pleasent until Kim discovered Dr. Drakken and Shego were there as well. Kim told Ron she would be right back, she said she had to use the ladies room. But what she was really doing was spying on Drakken and Shego. She overheard them talking about embarrsing her and ron so much that they were worrying about that more than fighting crime. Kim said to herself " as if they can't embarrsrse us so much that we forget about fighting crime." So Kim didn't really worry about it. When Kim go back to the table Ron asked shyly " I was wondering err... you wanted to go to the movie night at school with me. You know as my date." Oh... "Ron that is so sweet of course I will!" Said Kim and she gave him a kiss! After they were done eating Ron took Kim home and they kissed a long kiss goodnight!

That was chapter one and when I have the time I'l work on chapter 2!

[aliciamartin]

great story can't wait for more

[kimandronfan]

thanks! What does everyone think??

[Kprox]

great! i can't wait for chapter 2!

-Kp rox

[Panther]

You up for some crits?

1. Your story was only a paragraph long. This makes it kind of painfull to read. If all you had to write was a paragraph, you might consider making your stories longer. Take about 30 mins to an hour to write a two page (400+ words) chapter and it will be more managable.
2. Spell check and proofread after writing. If it helps, have somebody else proofread it for you.
3. Always remember to start a new paragraph with every new charecter speaking.
4. Your word choice is very good, but you might nead to work on your voice just a bit. And make sure everything flows correctly.

I hope that helps. Please don't take this as saying your story is bad, but it could be better. (so could mine, though). Keep these tips in mind and you'll be a pro in no time!

[kimandronfan]

that wasn't the whole story...

[Panther]

I know. It's chapter one.

[dudette]

loved the first chapter! ive read lots of Fan Fics for Kim possible on that fanfic site but this one was pretty good it kept ron and kims character really good! its so cute how Ron was all shy and stuff hes such a cute and funny guy. Good job and please update soon!! ;D

[kimandronfan]

thanks for the comments ( except muxiox ) I will update when I have the time sometime tonite maybe

[kimandronfan]

Chapter 2 Drakken's Plan


After Kim and Ron left the retauraunt Drakken told Shego the plan. The plan was Drakken said he overeheard Ron asking Kim to movie night at MHS. So the plan was to embarsse Kim so much that she wouldn't show her face in public. When Drakken told Shego the plan Shego said to Drakken " not bad " " But what we will do to embarsse her?" Drakken answered back " We will think of something before Friday night " After that they both went to Drakkens lair and hatched up plans and tested them but none of them worked. It was past midnight on Sunday night and were still thinking of plans then Drakken finally thought of an idea to embarrsse Kimberaley Ann Possible!

[Panther]

kimandronfan said:

thanks for the comments ( except muxiox ) I will update when I have the time sometime tonite maybe

Was that supposed to insult me or is it just becuase I didn't actually comment on the story?

[kimandronfan]

you were critisising it

[Panther]

Well, yeah, but a few crits never hurt. Without crits on my stories, I would still be writing like a 2nd grader...

[aliciamartin]

great job on Chapter 2 grilfriend good job buddy can't wait for Chapter 3

[dudette]

love it! cant wait for chap 3! ;D