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Post by zaratan on Apr 3, 2006 13:47:02 GMT -5
Ahh... but that's where I come in. There's a reason I was pegged for this chapter, and you'll see that soon enough. ;D
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Post by Ezbok58a on Apr 3, 2006 17:23:20 GMT -5
How soon?
Like within the week soon or within the month soon?
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Post by zaratan on Apr 3, 2006 19:15:33 GMT -5
I'm done the first 11 pages of what I expect to be about 40. I'd peg an update by the end of the week, barring a change in my schedule.
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Post by PossibleKim on Apr 3, 2006 19:16:35 GMT -5
How soon? Like within the week soon or within the month soon? You reminded me of Drakken in Emotion sickness Dr. Drakken: Evil? You say, you mean take over the world type evil or Drakken goes out evil? |
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Post by Red on Apr 4, 2006 16:26:19 GMT -5
I'm looking forward to seeing where this story will go, I never can tell with you all.  |
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Post by Ezbok58a on Apr 4, 2006 18:47:37 GMT -5
Sweet, I still have like 30 or so stories to catch up on anyway.
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Post by airwalker on Apr 4, 2006 20:41:58 GMT -5
Loved this chapter; Pitting Kim against Ron and then Ron against Kim in previous chapters was well done but made it difficult for me to read through at times. Having them brainwashed BUT together doesn't bother me as much. The romantic in me is pleased. :-)
Its also interesting to see how Bortol's plan is falling apart even while it looks like everything is coming together. Too many variables involved after all. Keeping Ron and Kim off balance is setting them against Wade which isn't a factor that he'd come close to calculating on. And he's not considering that Kim's programming broke before she came to his lair. Or that her family, including her genius brothers and brain expert mother might be a deep threat. (I can't wait to see what they do; you know they have to be working on something.) He's so focused on his plan and his control that he's missed the reason why being a supervillain is so difficult. (He was gloating about how well he was doing at it a chapter or two ago so its interesting to see what could be the beginning of the end for him.)
I wasn't suprised by GJ's incompetance in not figuring out that everyone is being brainwashed. The problem I had though was that they seemed to be pretty quick to want to kill Ron. Its a logical approach but they've been dealing with villains for years without considering to use lethal force on them. Why now all of a sudden? Dementor and Drakken might be a bit clownish but if anything they've done more dangerous and worldthreatening things over the years that would justify this approach more than Ron just beating up Kim and Will.
(I wasn't shocked by Dr. Director's refusal to listen to Kim; that was reasonable given the circumstances. But I can't believe that she isn't willing to consider all sorts of strange probabilities given what she's had to have seen in her career. She's really coming off like a bureaucrat more than a leader. Which is completely believable but upsetting at the same time.)
And out of curiousity, why isn't GJ anything more than a joke to the serious intelligence community? After all Bortol's slanted explination to Ron of what they are is pretty accurate. Shouldn't they be a laughingstock? (By the way, the story seems to imply that GJ is a branch of the government. Are they? Or are they independent? Or are they some sort of joint US-UN thing?)
What I'm really curious about it where you plan to be when this ends. It was one thing to ruin Kim's personal reputation or to have Ron hiding in the shadows all Zorpoxified but you've basically had them committing crimes. Even if its true, I don't think that there is a court of law in the world that would allow mind control to be put in as a defense. I mean even when Bortol is defeated and the day is saved, and even if on the off chance they manage to avoid jail (either by pardon, or because the government buys their explaination or because they just stay fugatives) its not like they can really go back to the life they had. I mean, can they really stay in Middleton? They can never really get their heroic reputations back after this even if they do end up saving the world. They'll be lucky if they can retire quietly to the middle of nowhere after this.
(And even if Sheila and Zorpox are back together at the end of this chapter, the potential for them hurting each other worse than has happened in earlier chapters is even greater; they've said they forgive each other for what happened in Chapters 1-5 for example but what happens when they return to normal? What about the guilt?)
By the way, what about the Mystical Monkey Power? If Shego's powers kept her from being brainwashed, why is Ron's mystical power not doing any much more than flaring whenever he gets angry? (And what about Sensei and Yori? After all Ron is usually the potential chosen one. Aren't they going to want to know what's going on now that he's fighting GJ on world television?)
If GJ has kept observing Ron for the sake of an "Evil Ron Factor" project then doesn't that mean that they should have footage of his abduction by Shego? Or other bits of evidence floating around in video format to give some credibility to the brainwashing idea Kim was floating? Regular Ron Factor observation was a 24 hour thing; wouldn't Evil Ron Factor observation be the same, particularly in the aftermath of his breakup with Kim?
Finally, once Zorpox destroys GJ (cause we all know he alone can do it; him and Sheila doing it won't even leave a stain where the organization is standing) how long is it going to be before he goes all Lex Luthor on Bortol? Cause we know Ron is prone to big headiness and that probably translates into massive ambition when he's Zorpox.
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Post by zaratan on Apr 4, 2006 20:48:25 GMT -5
Never fear, we have answers for all of that. Some will even be addressed very quickly. Others, you'll just have to wait until the end.
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Post by zaratan on Apr 11, 2006 0:46:10 GMT -5
ARRGGGGGG!!!
I FINALLY had time tonight to work on it, after picking up a temp accounting gig on the weekend, but would the story flow? Of course not. So, I go to crash tonight, since my new temp gig wants me in the office at 6 am, and what happens? The story decides to flow. Do you ever have those times when you have something so stuck in your head that you just have to get it out, it won't leave you alone until you do? Well, that's what I am stuck with. I'm going to be up writing until 4:30, when it will suddenly leave me and I'll be exausted, but I won't be able to sleep, as I'll have to work just an hour later. I am not looking forward to tomorrow, but at least the chapter should be ready shortly.
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Post by The Marvelous Me on Apr 11, 2006 4:21:44 GMT -5
Hey at least you can get those ideas down. Whenever that happens to me, I lose it as soon as I go to put it down on paper.
Back on topic, I must say leave it to MrDrP to get Kim and Ron together even when their evil. Also airwalker raised some interesting points that I did not think of. However I could see mind control as being a plausbile defense in the KP world. In the real world, no but we're talking about a world with pan dimensional vortex inducers that allow you to be sucked into a tv show, truth rays, and highly intelligent super robot-babes.
All in all though its just another great chapter to an already terrific story.
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Post by zaratan on Jun 22, 2006 14:25:21 GMT -5
It has been forever, but I am finally done the lastest chapter of Darkness. Look for it to be posted tonight, once it comes back from the beta readers.
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Post by captainkodak1 on Jun 22, 2006 16:17:18 GMT -5
Hope you have better luck at Fanfiction.net than I have. I have been trying to post "Holding Pattern" since last night. So far no good, if just gives me an error message.
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Post by zaratan on Jun 22, 2006 17:05:05 GMT -5
Back door method works just fine. And Campy is the beta master! Less than 2 hours after sending it to him, and he got it back to me. Chapter 7 is up people! www.fanfiction.net/s/2679609/7/ |
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Post by mattb3671 on Jun 22, 2006 19:49:17 GMT -5
nice job Z. you are most def are a twisted mofo. But thats why I luv ya! ;D
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Post by Commander Argus on Jun 22, 2006 19:52:52 GMT -5
Ho boy. That was some more read. Glad I got the sweet chappie of 101 out of the way before that hit.
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Post by Ezbok58a on Jun 22, 2006 22:45:16 GMT -5
You and your making me think you're twisting it one way, when I was completely off in the opposite direction!!
Curses! But all is well, I somehow knew you had to put Bonnie in there or had a hand in Bonnie's roll in the story.
As some beer people would say, BRILLIANT!
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Post by Ezbok58a on Jun 23, 2006 0:15:47 GMT -5
And for a additional note, Zaratan gave me the most interesting reply, one that is so good, and so filled with spoilers that I must share it with the rest of you  : Yeah, I wanted to take things down a slightly darker path. I thought the previous evil was just too light and fluffy (barring G-Go's gut punch in chapter 3), and thought it might be fun to push that T rating a little bit. As for Ron, he w... SPOILER! This writer's comments have been filtered by the spoiler police to prevent leakages of the plot. We regret this action, and will release him after he signs a waiver stating he will not divulge any information. ... ... ... Thank you for your patience, we now return you to your regularily scheduled review reply. Bloody spoiler police... now where was I? Oh yeah, as for GJ, the... what are you doing... no, I won't... help... police brutality... HELP! Now that was a darn good reply! ;D |
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Post by Artificial Moose on Jun 29, 2006 22:38:56 GMT -5
In a display of his usual speed and prowess, Chapter 8, by Commander Argus, is now up. www.fanfiction.net/s/2679609/8/Read and enjoy!  I have no earthly idea who is next on the list... |
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Post by Commander Argus on Jun 29, 2006 22:45:34 GMT -5
Captainkodak1 is up next, and considering the notes we've exchanged, I'll bet he's going to have one up fairly quick himself.
If you read it tonight, bring coffee (or red bull) it's the second longest chapter so far (granted, it's only about 1000 words longer than Z's)
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Post by mattb3671 on Jun 29, 2006 23:08:36 GMT -5
see? I knew choosing Argy for my chap was a good idea! I'd have never gotten it out that fast! Good job, Args! You hurricane rock! |
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