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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 5, 2005 23:18:50 GMT -5
I just posted this over on ff.net it should be up at some point in time. Actually here it is  www.fanfiction.net/s/2607139/1/Overview: Drakken and Shego steal a Time Travel device, when Kim and Ron try to stop them, only they escape into the time stream. And Kim is the only one quick enough to get through the portal before it closes. Leaving Ron left trying to figure out where Kim is and how she is going to get back to their time. A School trip to a war memorial soon answers the question of where Kim is, And it makes Ron sick Vietnam 1969. Now Ron has to figure out how to get there and save Kim, but he has some unexpected help, in the form of Josh Mankey. Josh is trying to make peace with Ron and be friends while Ron still thinks Josh is trying to take Kim back. They both have to put their differences aside as the enter the darkest war in American history, and make horrible choices to stay alive, and Find Kim. Rated R (M) If you could watch Saving Private Ryan, We were Soliders, Apocalypse Now, and other war movies you should be able to handle this. Not politically correct by any standards, and alot of truely dark choices are made. Enjoy |
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Post by taechunsa on Oct 6, 2005 14:37:16 GMT -5
This has still not shown up on FF.net
You might want to take a look into it. Also, what is your penname
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 6, 2005 15:28:38 GMT -5
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Post by taechunsa on Oct 6, 2005 21:29:58 GMT -5
I see it now.
You know, I had never noticed that the ratings filter defaults to K->T.
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 6, 2005 22:06:46 GMT -5
Took me a while to figure that one out too. Next story after this will be a T rating so everyone can see that, also gives me a chance to stop with the apparently needless violence. Then again, maybe not  |
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Post by trollis on Oct 7, 2005 2:47:10 GMT -5
That was really good story  Im on the same line, but it will be in WW2 or a invented war today MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson |
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 7, 2005 13:18:22 GMT -5
Chapter 3 is up now www.fanfiction.net/s/2607139/1/This is the last of the edited chapters, after this one everything should flow smoother that before. Ch 4 should be up later tonight and I'm working on 5 right now. |
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Post by trollis on Oct 7, 2005 15:38:03 GMT -5
Can´t wait for the next chapter ezbok58a MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson |
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 7, 2005 18:00:33 GMT -5
Thanks, its really going to get darker from here on out though.
I mean dark, people are going to die and its really going to get to Both Josh and Ron.
I am also clearing my head and started writting my next KP story which I call
"The Way of The Badge"
Keep a eye out for this one too.
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 7, 2005 18:21:14 GMT -5
I just put up chapter 4.
From here on out I won't be updating as frequently, I've got alot of stuff to do so consider it lucky if I update at least once a week.
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Post by taechunsa on Oct 9, 2005 12:26:23 GMT -5
Ezbok, do you prefer comments here or at FF.net?
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 9, 2005 13:44:28 GMT -5
Usually it doesn't matter.
Here is nice cause I can actually respond to them, But you could comment on it there if you want.
I only sent a PM to you on your comment because ff.net would not allow me to respond to your review (for some reason)
Chapter 5 is in the works, I will try to finish it today. If not expect it up by the end of this week.
I am also going to post my new story today as well to see how people react to that one.
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Post by trollis on Oct 9, 2005 13:50:54 GMT -5
I so can´t wait to read it, but I have to ;D
MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 9, 2005 13:56:04 GMT -5
Yeah, my balancing act has begun. I have the stories to finish. plus I have the school work I nave to start and finish.
Tuesday I hope to get alot written as I have my flash drive with me, so that should help things go by faster.
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Post by trollis on Oct 9, 2005 14:11:21 GMT -5
I have to wait to tuesday then. No problom mon  MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson |
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Post by taechunsa on Oct 9, 2005 14:39:07 GMT -5
Okay, I liked this chapter.
It did a pretty good job of moving the story forward and did settle any cursory tense and perspective issues that I noticed in the earlier chapters.
There is one thing that still bothers me about this story, besides the obvious time travel related issues. The one thing that has bugged me for a while, but that I was wishing would sort of settle down is how random Ron is in regards to Josh. I like the distrust that Ron holds toward Josh, it is a great carryover from the canon. However, he flips from not trusting him to hugging and trusting him to back. While a bit of retracking is okay, I think that their relationship would seem much more natural and realistic if it was more of a progressive sort of thing.
Does that make any sense? Like in chapter two, I think, when Josh says that he is coming Ron's reaction was perfect. He didn't trust him and questioned his intentions. That was the basis from which their relationship should have worked. The problem was that in just a few scenes later they were hugging and Ron was talking about there having to be trust. I just had trouble buying that, and even more so when later he talks about not trusting him again. All of this is happening with little in the way of provocation or action on Josh's part. Ron's opinion of Josh should only change based on something that happens, not something unknown, unseen, and apparently random.
Anyway, I love this story so far. I am anxious to see just what sort of shape Kim is in, what happened to her, what happened to Drakken and Shego, and what Ron and Josh are going to have to endure to get to her.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 9, 2005 15:02:08 GMT -5
Okay, I liked this chapter. It did a pretty good job of moving the story forward and did settle any cursory tense and perspective issues that I noticed in the earlier chapters. There is one thing that still bothers me about this story, besides the obvious time travel related issues. The one thing that has bugged me for a while, but that I was wishing would sort of settle down is how random Ron is in regards to Josh. I like the distrust that Ron holds toward Josh, it is a great carryover from the canon. However, he flips from not trusting him to hugging and trusting him to back. While a bit of retracking is okay, I think that their relationship would seem much more natural and realistic if it was more of a progressive sort of thing. Does that make any sense? Like in chapter two, I think, when Josh says that he is coming Ron's reaction was perfect. He didn't trust him and questioned his intentions. That was the basis from which their relationship should have worked. The problem was that in just a few scenes later they were hugging and Ron was talking about there having to be trust. I just had trouble buying that, and even more so when later he talks about not trusting him again. All of this is happening with little in the way of provocation or action on Josh's part. Ron's opinion of Josh should only change based on something that happens, not something unknown, unseen, and apparently random. Anyway, I love this story so far. I am anxious to see just what sort of shape Kim is in, what happened to her, what happened to Drakken and Shego, and what Ron and Josh are going to have to endure to get to her. I can't wait for the next chapter. I realized afterward that the hug was way too far. Ron at that point was realizing that he needed all the help he could get, but they will still have major issues in the following chapters, especially chapter 5. Drakken and Shego are going to be laying low throughout the story, Rons main goal is Kim. After he gets Kim then they regroup and go after Drakken and Shego. One thing I will tell you is that there will be a character death in the story(I'm not saying who though). Ron will find Kim, but she is going to be in bad shape, REALLY BAD shape. It will be bad enough to cause Ron to snap and do some really nasty things. I'll try to finish up ch.5 today and get it up. If not I'll copy it to my flash drive and work on it when I have free time at school. |
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Post by Ezbok58a on Oct 9, 2005 17:07:38 GMT -5
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Post by trollis on Oct 11, 2005 10:14:15 GMT -5
The story is great keep the chapers comming MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson |
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Post by jmt2005791 on Oct 12, 2005 2:37:56 GMT -5
this story so far is good i like how detail the story is. i find it interesting that the one person in the kp universe you could have to partner up with ron you picked mankey. i look forward to the future installments of this story. is rufus going to make an apperence in this story?
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